Stories&Photographs

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Bedtime Stories

I used to listen to my dad tell me stories before I go to sleep. I like to listen to stories before I sleep, but obviously, I can't ask my dad to tell me stories anymore. Now I listen to my own stories, some will make you cry and some will make you smile. I can't remember which ones I made up and which ones were real. Either serves its purpose well after all.

1) I wanted to write something about how the previous semester ended. It took so long for me to find time to write, so long that such a post would no longer be relevant. So I wanted to write about how I spent my two-week vacation, but I'm afraid writing about it is no longer relevant either. Besides, I just spent it watching my favorite tv shows and some movies, eating a lot, and playing Left for Dead 2, Minesweeper, Dragon Nest, Solitaire, blah blah blah. I pretty much did nothing. There is, however, another thing I wanted to write. I have been thinking about it since last June, but I still haven't begun anything. Unlike my semester and my vacation stories which expire at some point if not told immediately, this thing I wanted to write does not expire. And this thing, this story, is not about me. It's about another girl. The thing is, I don't know how to end it. I have thought of an ending, of course. In fact, I have a lot of endings in mind. I just don't know which to use. I am so confused about it as I am so confused about how to sort my own stuff. Maybe that's the reason why I can't finish my story. Maybe I have to write and complete my own story before I write another's.

2) There are always two sides to a story. And who in the world would not wish to hear both sides? Knowing both sides reveals the untold chapters. Well the raw story is usually impossible to extract, but if you get both sides, then you have the story in its rawest possible form. I've been an author and I've been a reader. Funny, really.

3) There's this story I heard once. It brought back the guilt I kept buried for years. That feeling when you could have done something to make someone's life easier, happier, better, even if it costs your own happiness and peace. What's worse, I learned that I could have done a huge favor not only for one person, but for two. Some say they do it for love. I would gladly do it for love too. Love for both of them and love for myself, to save myself from this guilt.

4) Bad romance. What's a juicier story than a bad romance? Such stories are exciting to read, but be careful not to be caught in one.

5) When no one wants to see you, where do you go and what do you do? I'd want to be caught in my glass house by the beach where I can watch the waves rushing to the shore while I think of something to write. Whenever I'm not writing, I'd probably be in the porch sipping tea and reading a book.

6) At some point in my life, I wanted to be be a writer. Actually, a part of me still wants to be one. I love writing as much as I love music. But I realized I could never get that one thing I want from music, so I've given up. Besides, music gives me too much pain. Writing doesn't. And you can still write while you cry, but you can't sing while you cry.

7) Writer is too vague; I wanted to be a journalist. I thought I would be a more useful person if I become one. He agreed on this. Then I thought, "Won't I be just as useful if I practice medicine?" Now I'm confused. But then I won't be able to write what I want. Creative writing, that is.

8) What's a story without adventure and spontaneity? They say you have to put yourself in the feet of your character to experience his ways so you can write effectively. Or is it the other way around? Whichever it is, you would have to feel your character's experiences, right? I usually live in spontaneity and a spontaneous companion would be good to have. But sometimes, all I really need is someone to pull me back before I float away from reality and fly to battling dragons and saving the kingdom.

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Minesweeper

Dear Blogspot,

I owe you blog posts. The term is ending which means huge waves of exams are coming. I'm fighting the urge to watch Gossip Girl, Glee, and the like. I'm fighting the urge to stay with you too long to write better stuff because I have to study. I have an exam on ballet tomorrow and I haven't even studied yet. I have a paper due on Friday. And more exams on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Given all those work, I wonder how I can't get my hands off Minesweeper. I was addicted to this years ago. And it's back. The addiction is back and it's bad. Now I'm thinking of just hitting the sack since I'm just wasting my time on Minesweeper. I don't want to stay up late for a game when I should be studying. I don't know if it's really Minesweeper or it's just me unconsciously wanting to escape sleep. Because tomorrow when I wake up, everything will be different. I will be better tomorrow.

Do answers really lie in dreams, dear Blogspot? I have a question I've been asking myself for a long time now: Which act would be less selfish - stay and hate the situation forever or get out of the picture completely? It doesn't really matter now since it's done. I hope I could make the semester pass fast. And the pain too. Make them go away. Fast. Or at least put me in autopilot until everything's over. I'm so tired of feeling and making decisions and facing consequences.

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