Files

I was downloading mp3s when an alert appeared saying that I don't have enough space for my files. So I did what I needed to do ― I cleaned up my files. I removed senseless games and deleted homeworks from the previous quarters. I came upon my chat archives [I always save IM conversations] and a homework way back in June.

Before pressing delete, I opened the chat archives. I spent an hour reading the messages and it sure did bring back a big lot of memories. The messages mostly talk about my life during my early senior year. There was something about a very bad day and two of my ex-classmates seeing me. There was something about me ranting about my teacher disapproving our SIP. There was something about me getting upset with an ex-classmate. There was something about an ex-classmate cheering me up. [LOL. A lot of ex-classmates are involved.] There was a lot, lot more about ex-classmates.

I also opened the homework way back in June. It was an autobiography we were asked to make so our AP teacher would know us better [which reminds me she has not returned mine yet, I need to get it back before someone reads my drama]. It was six pages long. My autobiography was a drama of my life. LOL. Reading it made me smile and cry at the same time, really. Reading it made me realize a lot of things.

My finger moved away from the Del key.

Why did I think twice before saying that I will take medicine? My autobiography said that I have always wanted to become a doctor.

My autobiography also said something about an exam I will be taking on November. I already took the exam and I passed. I earned my "black belt" already.

It also contained a list of my weaknesses. My second weakness was my friends. I love them. And I am willing to do anything for them. I also remember thanking them for their encouragement that lifted my spirits.

It sure made me realize a lot of things. It made me miss a lot of things. *SOB*

Reading it made me realize that I have changed. Unconsciously, as always. I am not sure whether to like or to dislike the changes that have occurred to me but...honestly, I do miss my old self. I do miss my old, cheerful self. I miss my a bit-optimistic self. I miss my quiet and calm self.

Reading it made me feel a little guilty. Changes are inevitable. I have said this before. I try to avoid changes but I have learned to accept them eventually. But it does not always have to happen negatively, right? This time I want to turn back time, not to watch as certain events happen in my life as I usually say, but to undo the modifications. But it's impossible to do that. So right now, I will try to change. I will try to change and bring back the past.