Of Ghosts and of Fear

There was a night last week when I couldn't sleep. I had to lie down for hours before I finally drift off. For a reason I did not know, I woke after a few hours. I glanced at the time and noticed that it was only 1am. I can't wait for sunrise that long; I had to sleep. I must find a way to sleep again. Fearing I might spend hours lying, I climbed on my sister's bed. I had to curl because there are a lot of stuff on her bed. She then asked, "Ba't ka andito?" I couldn't think of the shortest way to explain why so I just replied with a hug. After several minutes, I fell asleep.

My sister is going away for a few days which means that I will be left home alone. A thing like this is not uncommon for me - she has been going in and out of the town and/or country since I moved to her house. I am actually used to being alone. But this time, I don't want her to leave. I don't want to be alone. I am scared. I don't want to spend the week all by myself.

At this moment, I'm alone again. I should be getting ready for a friend's birthday party. I was actually touched when I read another friend's message:

Moi punta kb kna dhin mamaya? Nu oras k punta dun? Cnu ksabay mu?

"Birthday friend" is celebrating his birthday somewhere in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. It's a bit difficult to go somewhere you don't know so I was actually relieved [and happy and touched and cried] when "the other friend" texted. It's hard to say no to someone who's already doing you the favors. But just some minutes ago when he said that he has already boarded the bus and will meet me in Susana Heights, I told him that I had other plans and that I couldn't go.

So I'm still home, alone. Somehow I don't want to see faces. Somehow I don't feel like seeing people. Contrastingly, somehow I want to see certain people. Yes, certain people. That means that I want to see not only one person. I want to see several persons.

Right now, I'm craving for DQ but I don't have the heart to leave the house. Also, I don't want to eat alone. I know I used to say that people who can't move alone are weak but...I don't want something like this to happen:

Someone in DQ: Ba't kaya siya mag-isa? Siguro depressed siya. Kasi matamis kinakain niya e, Blizzard.
Me: Yum, yum, yum. SOB.

Thinking about being alone next week, here are some tips to make me happy:
1. Leave me comments - blog comments, friendster comments, etc.
2. Keep your Multiply updated.
3. I know most of you are using Sun now but if you still have your Globe and are still using it, text me. For people I used to scold for calling and waking me in the middle of the night, you can call me. I won't scold you. Hahaha.
4. Allow me to spend Tuesday night with you. I don't have classes on Wednesday.
5. I know that this is a little impossible but, hug me!
6. Let's chat in YM.
7. Give me a bouquet of Ferrero Rocher. I don't care how many flowers are in the bouquet.
8. Give me brazo de mercedes.
9. Give me a nice dress.
10. Take me out of the town or country.
11. Send me a letter.
12. Give me a puppy.
13. Grant me a million wishes.
14. Take me stargazing.
15. Sing with me. Sing for me.
16. Take me to the beach.
17. Take me to a picnic.
18. Treat me at DQ.
19. Make time fly?
20. Give me a video of what happened in my 16 years.
21. Tell me stories.
22. Take me back to...wait, no going back to the past.
23. Daydream with me.
24. Let's watch movies at your house.
25. Send me a heartfelt email.

Am I asking too much? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just that my birthday is coming, hahaha. BTW, I don't care whether you give me a present or not. All you need is the guts to say "Happy birthday, Alyzza! I love you very much." to my face and give me a nice, warm hug. Okay, calls, text messages, and emails are accepted from distant people. ONLY from distant people. In distant, I mean oceans away. JOKE.

Going back...I am scared. Ghosts of yesterday haunt me. So to God, I pray, please ward off these ghosts.