Stories&Photographs

Alyzza is moving!

2011-12-17T23:15:00.002+08:00

You will be redirected to my new blog in 5..4..3..2..1.

Estrella

2011-12-05T21:42:00.006+08:00

I held her tighter this time, asking her to come with me. I was surprised when she didn't move. She just stood still and gave me that longing look with her beautiful, brown eyes. I knew what she meant; she did not even need to speak. I have held her back for a long time now. She was always with me. At the back. Enjoying the show.

I have watched her many times. She always seemed to enjoy the show. She would look up the stage, laugh, look at me, and then smile. Then I would pull her closer and lightly kiss her on the forehead. I always knew I make her happy. She would decline stage roles just so she could spend more time with me. Sometimes she would even cancel her show at the last minute to make other plans with me. I always knew she would choose me over anything else.

But this time, it was different. She stared at me with those eyes longing for a fulfilled dream. She wanted to stay. Neither of us let go of each other. I was asking her to leave, but she was begging me to stay. Neither of us were going to change our minds. I sensed that, so I let her go. I turned back and started to walk away. I did not know why I could not stay, why I could not watch her do something she actually enjoys doing.

I know she is out there tonight, shining brightly as she always does. I am sure that there will be fireworks all over the heavens, but I am surer that she will shine even brighter. Her luminescence will last. I have kept her in the dark for so long. I have kept her at the back when I know she could be at the front.

But what could she be thinking? Was she sad that I was not there during her happy moment? Or was she happy because she realized that she does not need me or anyone to have a happy moment?

Thursday Nights

2011-11-28T20:30:00.003+08:00

I have this thing about Thursday nights. It's like some kind of entity sucks the life out of me. I don't have Monday classes so that makes my schooldays Tuesdays until Fridays. But whenever I go home on a Thursday night, I just slump on my bed and wake up the next morning. And then I find out that I haven't touched my books or my notes. It's like my three days of school are equivalent to a week of school! So I spend my last day, Friday, obsessing on how badly I want to go home. Oh, did I mention I have only a load of 16 units? But everyday I'm working from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM. In a lab. Or in a lecture room. Did I miss telling you my daily rehearsal after class?

I want a break. I'm in luck because this coming Wednesday is a national holiday. Maybe I can do something worthwhile this Thursday.

It's not just me. My roommate is also a victim of unproductive Thursday nights.

Bedtime Stories

2011-10-30T12:35:00.004+08:00

I used to listen to my dad tell me stories before I go to sleep. I like to listen to stories before I sleep, but obviously, I can't ask my dad to tell me stories anymore. Now I listen to my own stories, some will make you cry and some will make you smile. I can't remember which ones I made up and which ones were real. Either serves its purpose well after all.

1) I wanted to write something about how the previous semester ended. It took so long for me to find time to write, so long that such a post would no longer be relevant. So I wanted to write about how I spent my two-week vacation, but I'm afraid writing about it is no longer relevant either. Besides, I just spent it watching my favorite tv shows and some movies, eating a lot, and playing Left for Dead 2, Minesweeper, Dragon Nest, Solitaire, blah blah blah. I pretty much did nothing. There is, however, another thing I wanted to write. I have been thinking about it since last June, but I still haven't begun anything. Unlike my semester and my vacation stories which expire at some point if not told immediately, this thing I wanted to write does not expire. And this thing, this story, is not about me. It's about another girl. The thing is, I don't know how to end it. I have thought of an ending, of course. In fact, I have a lot of endings in mind. I just don't know which to use. I am so confused about it as I am so confused about how to sort my own stuff. Maybe that's the reason why I can't finish my story. Maybe I have to write and complete my own story before I write another's.

2) There are always two sides to a story. And who in the world would not wish to hear both sides? Knowing both sides reveals the untold chapters. Well the raw story is usually impossible to extract, but if you get both sides, then you have the story in its rawest possible form. I've been an author and I've been a reader. Funny, really.

3) There's this story I heard once. It brought back the guilt I kept buried for years. That feeling when you could have done something to make someone's life easier, happier, better, even if it costs your own happiness and peace. What's worse, I learned that I could have done a huge favor not only for one person, but for two. Some say they do it for love. I would gladly do it for love too. Love for both of them and love for myself, to save myself from this guilt.

4) Bad romance. What's a juicier story than a bad romance? Such stories are exciting to read, but be careful not to be caught in one.

5) When no one wants to see you, where do you go and what do you do? I'd want to be caught in my glass house by the beach where I can watch the waves rushing to the shore while I think of something to write. Whenever I'm not writing, I'd probably be in the porch sipping tea and reading a book.

6) At some point in my life, I wanted to be be a writer. Actually, a part of me still wants to be one. I love writing as much as I love music. But I realized I could never get that one thing I want from music, so I've given up. Besides, music gives me too much pain. Writing doesn't. And you can still write while you cry, but you can't sing while you cry.

7) Writer is too vague; I wanted to be a journalist. I thought I would be a more useful person if I become one. He agreed on this. Then I thought, "Won't I be just as useful if I practice medicine?" Now I'm confused. But then I won't be able to write what I want. Creative writing, that is.

8) What's a story without adventure and spontaneity? They say you have to put yourself in the feet of your character to experience his ways so you can write effectively. Or is it the other way around? Whichever it is, you would have to feel your character's experiences, right? I usually live in spontaneity and a spontaneous companion would be good to have. But sometimes, all I really need is someone to pull me back before I float away from reality and fly to battling dragons and saving the kingdom.

Minesweeper

2011-10-02T23:17:00.008+08:00

Dear Blogspot,

I owe you blog posts. The term is ending which means huge waves of exams are coming. I'm fighting the urge to watch Gossip Girl, Glee, and the like. I'm fighting the urge to stay with you too long to write better stuff because I have to study. I have an exam on ballet tomorrow and I haven't even studied yet. I have a paper due on Friday. And more exams on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Given all those work, I wonder how I can't get my hands off Minesweeper. I was addicted to this years ago. And it's back. The addiction is back and it's bad. Now I'm thinking of just hitting the sack since I'm just wasting my time on Minesweeper. I don't want to stay up late for a game when I should be studying. I don't know if it's really Minesweeper or it's just me unconsciously wanting to escape sleep. Because tomorrow when I wake up, everything will be different. I will be better tomorrow.

Do answers really lie in dreams, dear Blogspot? I have a question I've been asking myself for a long time now: Which act would be less selfish - stay and hate the situation forever or get out of the picture completely? It doesn't really matter now since it's done. I hope I could make the semester pass fast. And the pain too. Make them go away. Fast. Or at least put me in autopilot until everything's over. I'm so tired of feeling and making decisions and facing consequences.

Another Visit to the Farm

2011-09-24T22:45:00.007+08:00

We visited the farm again. This time I caught pretty butterflies.

And I saw this weird arthropod.

And this reptile.

That's Dad beside his grapefruit tree.

Mom and Dad watching the pigs which they will be selling soon.

Insect Collection: 29.33% Complete

2011-09-03T14:22:00.003+08:00

Heyy, who's turning 19 on Monday? It wouldn't hurt to post my wish list, right?

Diplurans
Proturans
Springtails
Bristletails
Mayflies
Dragonflies, damselflies
Stoneflies
Cockroaches
Termites
Praying mantises
Earwigs
Grasshoppers, locusts, katydids, crickets
Leaf insects and stick insects
Webspinners
Booklice
Lice
Bugs, cicads, mealy bugs, aphids
Thrips
Dobsonflies, alderflies
Lacewings, antlions
Beetles
Twisted-wing flies
Fleas
True flies
Caddisflies
Moths, butterflies
Ants, bees, wasps

In short, various kinds of insects. I'd also appreciate dresses and movie tickets and books and shoes and brazo de mercedes, but I kinda really need those insects.

Periplaneta americana gave my happy hormones back.

2011-09-03T12:12:00.005+08:00

We were stuck there, inside the cafeteria, on that rainy Thursday afternoon. We were fighting the urge to go to the mall and have fun because we all have exams on the following today. It was time to come up of a plan. We have decided to go somewhere "away from the harsh realities of life". We didn't hit the nearest mall; we went a little farther, a little away from the harsh realities of life. I do not exactly have an idea why we were feeling so low that day. I supposed we were just low on happy hormones. Maybe it's the season? Maybe it's one of those things, as Miguel calls it, mid-sem crisis.

We ate at our favorite place, Tokyo Tokyo. We were supposed to go home after dinner, but we realized it wasn't even 7PM! We spent some of my extra tokens on videoke instead. Finally it was time for us to go back to the harsh realities of life and study for our exams tomorrow.

The next day was the exact opposite of the day before it. The lab exam in entomology was so stressful yet fun. I couldn't say it was easy because I knew I could have done better if I had studied the other parts as thoroughly as I did on the other parts. What I enjoyed was the dissection. There was a list of body parts, both internal and external, and we have to pin them and show the specimen to our instructor. I looked at the list and realized that more than half of it requires a grasshopper specimen. All I have is a smelly cockroach. I couldn't pass the exam without a grasshopper. So I stood there thinking, "Where to get a grasshopper? Where to get a grasshopper?" Then I remembered I kept my jar of insects inside a cabinet in the laboratory! I rushed to the cabinet and was glad to find my jar still there. And you know what, I have this large grasshopper which accounted for 60% of my dissection grade.

The remaining 40% was from my smelly cockroach. There were silent shrieks from students who were trying to get their specimens from a bottle full of cockroaches. Thank God someone helped me pin my specimen on the dissecting pan. Getting your specimen from the bottle then pinning it is the hardest part of the test. This was the first time I dissected a cockroach independently since we always perform dissections either in pairs or in threes. I will never ever ever forget the foul stench of my cockroach. I managed to pin its cercus, its proventriculus, its Malpighian tubules, and its alary muscles, yay!

My exhausting day did not end there. I had to attend a meeting right after my lab exam. After much noting of minutes and all, I was happily on my way home.

Insect Hunting

2011-08-29T19:16:00.006+08:00

Have I told you why I have been collecting insects? My entomology class requires all students to collect and preserve 150 different kinds of insects within the whole semester. As if finding 150 different kinds is not hard enough, we must also handle them with much care so as not to damage their body and their appendages. I personally think that lepidopterans and odonates are the hardest to preserve. Lepidopteran wings get damaged easily while odonates turn brittle when they die. I still do not have any from the two orders until now. Which reminds me, I only have around one month left to complete my collection. The last time I did my inventory was this afternoon. I only have 43 different kinds. Should I start panicking?

I have been frolicking around the campus hunting insects. I am also on the search for mating insects. We are holding this exhibit on September at the Institute of Biology in the University of the Philippines, Diliman. It will run for a week and will showcase photographs of mating insects. Everyone is invited to view the exhibit.

That dragonfly was the first insect and the first dragonfly I caught from the farm. I captured it using my bare hands. It was the first time I touched an insect voluntarily (except for mosquitoes I swat) and I felt weird and happy at the same time. It broke on the next morning, unfortunately. And those are my friends taking a break from helping me look for insects around the campus. The one in green is Rabbi and I must tell you, he has a good eye for mating insects. I should take him with me the next time I search for mating insects.

The field trip in UPLB helped a lot in my insect collection. The bulk of the collection is actually from the trip, but it is not enough.

I went to the farm today with Mom and Dad and my sister. I set up traps around the area while I go chasing butterflies. The traps I set were only yellow plates filled with water and detergent - a thing I learned from my instructor. Yellow objects attract insects. The detergent sucks the surface tension from the water, entrapping the insects. That's the best I can do. I don't have resources to set up light traps or Malaise traps.

I caught 15 insects from my farm trip today. I'm hoping to catch more next time when we stay a little longer. Dad was on a hurry to meet someone so I didn't have enough time to exhaust the insects. Maybe I can ask some of my friends to come with me to the farm and help me catch insects in exchange for brazo de mercedes.

I caught this pretty dragonfly today. I kept it in a triangle envelope, but it still broke. Sad.

If there's one thing I learned from my entomology class that I'll never forget, it's that Sir Soc is the best. Wait, I meant two things. The second one is that insects are more afraid of you than you are of them. I know it's common sense and at the same time it contradicts with biting, stinging, and killing insects, but you get the point. I used to stay away from insects. I am not actually afraid them; I just don't want them near me. It's different this time. Now I want them near me. I need them near me. Now I have to run after them and curse myself to the deepest pits of hell if I let a pretty butterfly go. My entomology class developed my aggressiveness for insects. I began seeing or noticing insects wherever I go. I actually squeal and point and hop frantically when I see an insect. And I get this really disappointed face if my situation does not allow me to run after it.

I remember the first field work we had in the campus. One of my classmates asked our instructor why he took up entomology. He replied, "Well, it started with an elective." Another one of my classmates, aware of the fact that I hated entomology whispered to me, "Did you hear that? It started with an elective." I rolled my eyes and said, "Never." Who would have guessed I would learn to love entomology?

Part 4: Bio 118 Field Trip

2011-08-27T12:19:00.010+08:00

If I could then I would not blog about the fourth installment so I won't have to feel the pain of saying goodbye and that our field trip has officially ended. But these little things I realized happened on the ride back home, I must write them.

We were given two choices this morning: (1) spend the whole morning sleeping until the bus arrives, and (2) go hiking in Mt. Makiling. Of course I picked the second option. It would be embarrassing to just sleep when all I did the other night was sing. And I know that if my sister Angel were there with me, she would probably scold me and tell me that I must not let the experience slip away and that I wasn't on the trip to sleep.

We were supposed to go to Mudspring but since it was too far away, we went to Flat Rocks instead. It was a long way up. Mainly because I had no idea where we were going. The way up was actually easy because the path was wide and only a little rough. What was difficult was when we encountered this sign.

Those are my classmates before the sign.

We turned left as we were headed to Flat Rocks. Now we were not only climbing up the mountain, we were climbing around the mountain. What made the hike even harder was the slippery rocks and the muddy path. Every step we took made a squishing sound. Squish, squish, squish. And you had to be careful not to slip or you would fall down the cliff and God only knows what would happen next.

We reached the site after some time. It looked a bit safer than the Hortorium because the rocks were large and flat. And the water was not so deep. I immediately soaked my aching feet in the water and ohmy, the water was freezing. There were many large and colorful butterflies and dragonflies flying above us. I could have spent the whole time chasing them but for some unknown reasons, my head was in so much pain. I turned my attention to the flies instead, which were relatively easier to catch. I managed to get two of them.

One of my classmates caught a dragonfly for me.

The way back to the guesthouse was, obviously, easier. We showered and packed while waiting for the bus. I wasn't waiting for the bus, actually. I was waiting for Mom, Dad, and my sister Angel, who were coming to pick me up. They arrived, at long last, at the same time as the bus arrived. I went to search for my professor who excused himself to someone he was talking to to accompany me outside.

"Is that your sister (in the car)?"

"Yes, sir. With my parents. Bye, sir."

"Bye, Alyzza. See you on Wednesday."

I'll see you sir.

I replayed the whole trip in my mind on the ride home. I remembered how much I hated going to that trip and having to miss the annual party. You know what, I'm glad I picked the field trip over the party. I would actually give anything to relive the experience one more time. Or maybe just spend one more night in Elbi. I also thought of starting to work seriously on my insect collection now. I only have two months left and I still have around 120 to catch. I might have chosen who my thesis adviser will be. If things go well, I might miss that annual party again. When that time comes, I know it will be worth it.

Part 3: Bio 118 Field Trip

2011-08-21T22:34:00.005+08:00

We went straight to UPLB Hortorium after breakfast. Next to IRRI, the Hortorium was one of my favorite places. My reflexes were tested as I tried to catch aquatic insects. Water striders are fast. There are 15 of us, but we only have one aquatic net. So yes, we had to use our trusty hands. It was fun trying not to get wet as you slip on rocks and catch large, colorful lepidopterans and odonates. We were all so overwhelmed by the large number of insects. We were running and squealing and jumping and laughing. It was heaven.

We had to cross those slippery rocks to find insects. Nobody could leave the Hortorium without getting wet.

That's our professor giving us instructions on how to use our equipment to catch aquatic insects. But as I have mentioned earlier, most of us just used our fast reflexes to grab water striders.

Again, we grabbed lunch and went back to the house to get some rest. What we thought was a little rest turned out to be a 2-hour sleep. It was too late for us to go the Mudspring since it was, I think, 4-5 kilometers away from the house. And we had to walk to get there. Our professor was too sweet - he didn't wake us because he thought we were too tired, sleeping oh-so soundly. Oh yeah, mine was not a 2-hour sleep. I slept for four hours! I was surprised to see nobody inside and outside our bedroom. My roommates returned after some time. Turned out they were hunting insects in the streets.

We spent the night a little differently this time - outside the guesthouse. I was hesitant to go at first (because it's 9:30PM and I think it's late), but I thought hey, tonight's our last night. I have to make the most out of this trip. Our professor took us, his Bio 118 students and his thesis advisees, to LB Square where we reunited with the other professor and his thesis advisees. I forgot to tell you - that morning in IRRI, our professor's thesis advisees came together with another professor from Diliman and his own advisees. We sang in the videoke until the wee hours of the morning. I do not have photos from that night because I purposely left my camera for safety reasons.

Part 2: Bio 118 Field Trip

2011-08-21T21:49:00.005+08:00

We had to wake up early the next morning for our first stop, the International Rice Research Institute (IRRI). Click the link if you want to know more about it, but it's basically a nonprofit organization dedicated to rice research (developing new rice varieties and improving rice management techniques). The place was so nice and green and the people were so friendly and approachable. They even mentioned that they offer free use of their laboratories and facilities to students whose theses are related to rice research. I became more hesitant to go to med school because of that. I think it would be great to work there. We spent the whole morning learning more about the IRRI.

Grain-sorting.

We went to this room which was kept at around 3°C. This is where they kept dormant seeds.

The next room was better. It was actually a vault which houses rice samples from different countries. And the temperature, -19°C.

This is, yes, the map of the world. It shows the countries which are members of the IRRI. The map is made of different rice varieties.

We grabbed lunch after that and went back to the house to get rest.

The second half of the day was spent looking at various collections of insects in the University. We went to the UPLB Museum of Natural History and to the Institute of Biological Sciences.

This is just one of the many collections from the museum.

We mingled with the UPLB students afterwards. Well, not actually mingle. It was 5:30PM when we finished looking at collections and the students were everywhere. It was so different in Diliman. For a moment I thought of what could have been if I had studied in Elbi. Maybe it was more laid-back, peaceful. I would be very different from what I am now. Maybe it would be...I don't know. Better? I met another high school classmate, btw. I asked him to lend me a blanket because I was shivering the other night. There were no blankets in the guesthouse.

Work did not end there. We had to set up a light trap back home to catch insects. BTW, the course requirement is to collect and preserve 150 different insects for the whole semester.

We had ice cream party after a whole day of work! Thanks to Dan who was celebrating his birthday on the same day. We had a lot of fun eating ice cream while playing "Killer", a game suitable for several players and is so much better if the players were noisy. And because our professor had to take care of us, he joined the game until we were too tired to figure out who the killers were. Our professor is the best.

Earlier I thought, "I can't believe we have to stay for two more nights." But you know what, I was beginning to enjoy the trip.

I'm still tired from the trip so I'm thinking I'd stop now. Besides, I have deadlines to meet and exams to study for. And I have a Monday class, gah. I'll post the last installments next week, mkay?

Part 1: Bio 118 Field Trip

2011-08-21T21:04:00.011+08:00

Bio 118 is our code for entomology class. It is an animal taxonomy elective required to be taken during our undergraduate years. I never planned to take this course since I was never into insects. What I had in mind was to take Invertebrate Zoology instead as an animal taxonomy elective. I know Invertebrate Zoology includes helminthology, but it also includes cnidarians, mollusks, and echinoderms. It only means one thing – a field trip to the beach.

The first time we met our professor, I thought he was cool. That was until he started giving us pop quizzes, both in lecture and in laboratory. That’s four and a half hours with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays. In addition to that, I hate insects. But on that particular morning he saw us studying at the lobby, he stopped giving us quizzes. That was cool until I remembered that I had to miss our annual ritual because of a three-night long field work at the University of the Philippines, Los Baños. He informed us about this as early as the first day we met, so I had ample time to get over it and accept my misfortune.

I learned to accept my misfortune in those two months. That was until the day of our departure. Afternoon classes were suspended on that day and we were supposed to leave the university at 6PM. That means I have time to say goodbye to my friends who will be present at the ritual. And being good friends as they are, they began convincing me to attend the ritual and go to the work site on the next day instead. I was so close to agreeing with them, but I knew better. I...I...ohmy, I can't say it! IMISSEDTHEPARTY. There.

We stopped by Shell in SLEX to grab dinner. I told my classmates that if I were to climb over the wall of the gasoline station, I'd be home in 5 minutes. I wanted to go home so bad since it was a 3-day long weekend. That was how much I hated going to the field work. I never called it field trip since I didn't consider it a trip. It's work. Work, work, work. Anyway, my classmates and I did this funny thing. There was this photo booth at KFC which flashes the customers' photos on a large screen, we tried that. We had a couple of photos which were sent to my classmate's email address. I'd be happy to upload proof of our vanity, but my classmate has not uploaded it yet.

We arrived at the guesthouse at around 9PM. What irked me even more was that we were staying at the College of Forestry which was really, really, really far away from stores and people. I tell you, they didn't call it College of Forestry for nothing. We had to walk a long way to get to the jeep route and we had to wait a long time before a jeep comes which delay me to see my high school friends. Since our professor is a cool guy (I mean it this time), we convinced him to take us to the lower campus so we could buy stuff. Oh yeah, I met some of my high school classmates down there. They were, like me, members of the school rondalla. I also met Chester that night, another high school classmate. He took me to his dormitory because I was going to borrow a pair of slippers. We had to run across the wet grass to meet the rest of the class who were waiting for me.

We spent the rest of the night playing games and laughing. That was the first time I heard our professor laugh that hard and I thought hey, he really seems to be a cool guy. He stayed up late with us because his duty was to take good care of his students. Oh yeah, one of my classmates was celebrating his birthday on the next day. We sang a nice "Happy Birthday" for him at exactly 12 midnight.

Those are my roommates (except for the guy in yellow) celebrating the safety of our arrival.

And those are my classmates waiting for Dan's (the guy wearing jersey)

birthday. And our professor, the one wearing a coral pink shirt.

I know. I should really get a tripod.

Shuffled

2011-08-15T20:51:00.006+08:00

"He forgot her birthday."

"Really? I feel so sorry for her."

"I know! That guy, he's so stupid. He can't even talk about anything sensible!"

"Oh, yeah? Replace him then. Get her back."

He laughed. "You want me to replace him? Now you're not making sense, love. You sound just like him!"

I should have known from the very start. We weren't on the same side.

Goodbyes

2011-08-15T13:04:00.002+08:00

"Saying goodbye is always hard. But having that feeling that we are no longer part of each other’s universe, made it a lot easier."

A friend of mine wrote this, but since I did not ask her permission to quote her, I will preserve her anonymity.

It was over - dressing up, smiling at cameras, drinking. That memory you keep on trying to bury deep, it's safe beneath the earth now. No one can dig it again and relive that feeling you very much wanted to forget. You can live in the present time now.

It was nice to know that I wasn't the only one waiting for this end, that I wasn't the only one thrilled to break free and create this little circle where only I and a few people I trust belong. It was even nicer to know that I already have that circle.

"Someday I am going to marry you and we will forget the names of those people who scarred us. We'll create our own universe where they no longer exist. Among all people I would have to trust you and you would have to trust me. We'll travel and take pictures and fight along the way. But love, we won't listen to what they say."

Complete!

2011-08-08T05:51:00.010+08:00

This is a conversation my dad and I had yesterday, while grocery shopping with Mom.

Me: Bibili ako ng tripod.

Dad: Kumpletuhin mo na lang grades mo. Ibibili kita ng tripod.

You see I managed to get a scholarship program which reimburses my tuition and requires my grades after each term before they could finally give the money back. I should say I'm lucky enough to be a scholar until now as BS Biology is killing me gently. But I love how it kills me - Sophophora melanogaster, pretty hexagons in organic chemistry, memorizing amino acids. Anyway, an unfortunate event happened to me last summer. My Physics lab instructor gave me an INC, an abbreviation for 'incomplete'. It means that I have a passing grade but I failed to submit a requirement, well, my teammates and I failed to submit a requirement. There's nothing to worry about now because...

I remember one of the conversations I had with a friend a week ago. I told him that the only grades I have not had yet are 1.25, DRP, 4.00, and 5.00. Here's that missing 1.25. I'm not asking for the other grades, though.

And here's a certificate I received 5 months ago.

Considering how I'm faring in biology, I don't think I'll ever walk up that stage again and receive another one like this. The grades I get are just enough to keep my scholarship. Just last term I received my first, and hopefully only, 3.00. Being an iskolar ng bayan is worth the pain anyway.

Wait. Does this mean I get the tripod now?

Circle of Trust

2011-07-31T18:59:00.008+08:00

I watched Killers with my sister last night. I am not going to blab about how hot and gorgeous Ashton Kutcher is - my Facebook and Twitter accounts are doing that for me. This is what the movie is about - people (read: their friends) are going to kill Jen's (Heigl) husband (Kutcher), who by the way is an ex-assassin, to get that $20,000,000 bounty on his head. All those hours running from their friends [who were trying to kill them] made me realize something: Your family is the only people you can trust completely. I mean, even their closest friends are hunting them! Note: I don't think the movie is really about this and I have no idea how I have come to think this way. I won't spoil the movie in case you're planning to watch it.

It made me realize that one must be careful who he tells things to. People will kill you if they see $20,000,000 on your head. Those closest to you, they know when you are on your most vulnerable situation. And those people who care only about their happiness, they will never hesitate to hurt you if such an act will be of advantage to them. This doesn't mean you have to shut yourself from people outside your family. You just have to choose what and what not to tell them.

I remember my dad telling me something he told one of my sisters way back when I still believed in Santa Claus. He told my sister that he doesn't have a best friend and that best friends are for children. Well he said he does have a best friend, best friends actually - my sisters, my mom. But there's one lesson he taught my sister, and me: Never throw away friends because you might need them someday. He was probably referring to business purposes. You know what, that has got to be the hardest lesson he taught me. Maybe because he forgot to mention one important detail: Keep them but ~~reduce your care meter~~ don't allow them to hurt you again.

Families - you don't even have to tell them what and what not to tell. They won't give you the cold shoulder out of the blue. Sure they will misinterpret you and judge you like any other person but you know that they will never ever leave. They allow you to make mistakes; they give you infinitely many last chances.

Speaking of family, I got to spend some time with my sisters today, yay! I missed having someone to squeal with while watching Glee. My sisters and I are hardcore FinChel fans. Too bad Inna left this afternoon and Ate Ange has to go tonight although we're planning to delay her with a bag of rambutan. I'm planning to have a big stock of movies to watch the next time we're all home. With popcorn. And more Cheetos next time.

Meanwhile, here's a tribute to my family who feeds me and pays for my expenses even if I still haven't settled my INC last summer. Sana mabigay na 'yung grade ko.

Frozen Yogurt and 3D Glasses

2011-07-23T13:55:00.009+08:00

I have decided to blog about things that happen everyday. I got tired of waiting for something grand to happen and then blogging about it. I mean, why not make every day grand and blog about it? I know that it's highly impossible but I guess blogging on weekends will do no harm to tight schedules. Instead of refreshing Facebook and Twitter over and over after my weekly movie, why not blog? So here.

I am a big fan of Harry Potter but I am not here to talk about its pure awesomeness. My Tumblr says it all anyway. I mean, who doesn't know about the boy who lived and the boy who loved?

I watched the movie twice; the first one was on its premiere night at SM North Edsa with Taters popcorn and rootbeer. Taters popcorn is the best. And ohmigodwatchingitonitspremierenightwithallthefansissobeautiful. The second time was at Alabang Town Center with my mom, my dad, and my two other sisters. My third sister, well, she's rarely home. I hoped she was there with us to witness the magnificent story come to an end. And to enjoy a bowl of frozen yogurt which Ate Tek paid for.

Doesn't Ate Tek look so blissful?

That's my bowl of yogurt. I can't remember what's it's called but it has cookies and almonds and white chocolates and so much yumminess.

Too bad I don't have a picture of my dad wearing 3D glasses, he looked cute and weird at the same time. Haha.

Marie Had A Little Lamb

2011-07-23T10:24:00.011+08:00

Remember I promised to show you turkey and sheep photos? Well there's bad news and there's good news. The bad news is no turkey egg hatched. I really don't know what happened but Dad said that he saw one of the hens pecking the eggs and gobbling its contents. Anyway, the good news is we now have a lamb, yay! We were just so surprised one day that one of the ewes gave birth to a cute lamb. You remember those books you used to read when you were little? Those with pictures of little white lambs? Well, I have to say that you weren't fooled. You see, when we were little, we were made to believe about a lot of things that don't happen in the real world. But the cute, little, white lambs were real, I tell you. This is coming from one who has not seen a lamb before.

Isn't Cottonball adorable? I named the lamb.

Up there is the first turkey egg we saw and yeah, we've grown a mutated carrot.

Catch A Falling Star

2011-06-26T00:19:00.013+08:00

It was told that stars were actually maidens. And that when one sees a shooting star, he must hurry to find it for that star is the same woman you shall love and who shall love you back. Nobody knows where they came from. Some folks believe that maidens are rewards to those young men who are patient and hardworking. Some believes that the gods punish the maidens who have sinned by hanging them in the sky. Some believes that the man and his star shall grow old together. The man shall wither and the star shall turn into stardust. The rest of the village, well, they believe that it was just a story the elders made up to make the boys work harder.

It was different for this particular young man who works for the builders. He simply believes that stars are maidens. He has actually chosen a star from the hundreds he sees each night. He has always been fascinated with that little star at the far side, away from the other brighter stars. He has always wanted that star, ever since he was a little boy. He would view that star from his bedroom window and just watch it shine. He would watch it while waiting for the sandman to come. He would watch it until it was time to say good night. It has always been the same scenario every night, ever since he was a little boy. Ever since his best friend left the village.

One fortunate night he asked the star, "Why will you not fall for me?" He was sitting by a river on top of a mountain. The young man was helping the builders build a bridge across the river and they have been working since morning. They stopped to rest only when the stars started appearing. "You know I have had my eyes fixed upon you. Never did I turn my gaze away from you even as I see a shooting star at the corner of my eye. Years I have waited and I am willing to wait more," he continued.

To his surprise, the star replied. "Please accept my sincerest apologies for I am to remain bound in the heavens until I have learned to forgive and the other to apologize. Only then when I have forgiven and my heart has been purified can I be one of those shooting stars you usually ignore."

"Then why not forgive now? So I could catch you and ask you to marry me."

"Alas, my forgiveness has not been asked for yet. Ask and it shall be given, then seal it with a promise that such a tragedy will never happen again. I can not love with an impure heart, you see. If favorable events happen and I fall, will you catch me?"

"I will even ask you to marry me."

"What then shall I call my lovely fiancé?"

"Gabriel."

"Angelic. Call me Ceres."

"You're celestial."

Years passed and the young man has become a skilled builder. The star has still not fallen but the builder has not lost hope. On top of that same mountain where he and his star first talked, he decided to build a tower. One that is tall enough to reach his star. Every night he sleeps on top of his unfinished tower and resumes his work early in the morning. More years passed and his tower grew taller and taller. The builder thought of speaking to his star one night so he asked, "Who is that person you have to forgive?"

"I honestly do not know who that person is," the star replied, "It happened a very long time ago. All I can remember is that I got so furious, so furious that I even pushed people away."

"Hundreds, or even thousands ask for forgiveness each day. How will you know who the right one is? Will you just magically fall once the word has been spoken?"

"Magically," the star giggled, "Yes, I shall magically fall into your arms and we shall get married."

Even more years passed and still his star has not touched the earth. But this did not stop the builder from continuing to work on his tower. He worked even harder this time; he barely stops to rest. He worked day and night until he fell ill.

"Gabriel!" The star gasped.

"Are you about to fall?" The builder asked.

"I regret to say I am not. But your body is aging! You must rest. You are not as strong as you were years ago."

"Then I would never reach you. True enough I am beginning to feel weak. And truer still, I would never ever, ever reach you. I probably did not work enough. Stars are rewards to those who are patient and hardworking. I feel so weak that it seems impossible for me to even watch the sun rise later." He closed his eyes then continued, "Forgive me, Ceres."

"Gabriel, I'm--"

There was a thump.

"Here," the star whispered.

"So it was me all along?" The builder asked smiling, his eyes still closed.

"I would have to say yes. I fell on your right arm; I guess you caught me."

"I'm sorry I'm too weak to go down on my knees right now and ask you to marry me. Maybe when the sun is up? Then we shall get married in the afternoon. I want to show you the village. The village is friendly. You must meet my mother. She will like you. And my father too. You would also love to see the bridges and the towers I have built. All those helped me acquire the skills I needed to build our tower. Do you like animals? I have a dog at home I call 'Vanilla'. I am certain that you will like her."

The star cried.

"Are you crying?" The builder asked. "I am about to open my eyes. Would you allow your tears to cover your beauty? Let me see how beautiful my bride is."

The star wiped her face and smiled as the builder opened his eyes. He smiled and said, "Lie with me." The fallen star obeyed and rested her head on the builder's chest.

"The sun is about to rise, look," the star pointed to the sun.

"I thought I'd never live to watch the sunrise with you. Do you like our tower? I am not yet finished building it but your presence seems to complete it. I shall finish it later, after we get married. But I have to rest first," he closed his eyes, "Would you be willing to help?"

The star smiled and nodded as she watched her feet and her legs turn into stardust. Soon there were only stardust and the builder on top of the unfinished tower.

Rainy Days and Girlfriends

2011-06-25T22:35:00.007+08:00

As you would have guessed, our classes, like yours, were suspended last Friday. And I regret that I didn't make the most out of that Thursday night with friends.

I learned of the suspension around 5:30 AM and I was planning to get ready to go home at that instant since I was also informed that my after-class meeting was postponed. I can't remember why I decided to sleep a little bit more. The next thing I knew I was making oatmeal for lunch. My dad advised me to stay in QC so I won't be traveling while a typhoon is on loose. What happened next was the most unfortunate thing, I didn't have anything to do. I still haven't got hold of the book and the lectures I need to read because they are somewhere out there and I can't brave the storm outside. My roommate happily lent me her copy of "How to be Bad" which I finished on that same day. It was not that good a read but who cares? I'm comfortably reading a book on a cold, rainy day while enjoying a bowl of mushroom soup my housemate and I made. Don't get too excited about the soup - it's one where you pour the contents on water and boil. Yes, instant mushroom soup.

We cooked dinner around 10 PM. I know, that was late and I was extremely hungry. I haven't eaten a decent meal since morning. We rummaged our ex-housemate's goods and yes, we found enough to feed all eight of us. We were seated on the floor, in a circle, and were enjoying that little feast we made. I don't know what we resemble the most, friends on camping, girls on a sleepover, or evacuees having their fill of food ration. One thing is for sure, the cold wind from Falcon was nothing compared to the warmth inside our house.

We made hot chocolate right after dinner which was followed by a series of stories from creepy stalkers to a random guy's weird habits. I fell asleep around 5:00 AM and woke five hours after. My housemates were already up and packing their stuff. I had to do the same. We had lunch at KFC and went home right after, except for me. I decided to wait for my sister so we could go home together. I waited for two hours but no, I didn't get bored. I sang inside those karaoke booths, checked out books on sale, and played that grand piano by the music store ~~which I used to not do alone and it was actually fun~~. Oh yeah, there's this funny thing. While I was playing Bach's Prelude No. 1, a girl asked me if she could have her photo taken with me. I agreed and tried my best to hide all the awkwardness and smile at the camera her mom was holding. I didn't lose my wallet or my mobile phone so I don't think it was some kind of scam. But still, it was weird.

My sister arrived several minutes later. We dropped by her high school friends who were in McDo and then we finally went home. Finally. FINALLY.

So here I am, trying to revive my blog. Postponing my reports. Delaying my errands. ~~Talking to you.~~

And thanking my girlfriends for helping me forget hurt, even just for twenty-four hours.

Coming Back Home

2011-06-20T15:11:00.000+08:00

Dear Blogspot, I have decided to leave Facebook and Tumblr, well not really leave. I have decided to keep things down. I shall hold my tongue, I mean my fingers, when I'm in either of the said sites. I am to remain quiet. I am to keep drama low.

I haven't caught up with Tumblr since last summer and lately I'm no longer that interested. My Tumblr has been too full of shallow drama and photos I see no beauty in. Maybe it's just because of the people I follow, I've been thinking of unfollowing those people I don't personally know. And lately my Facebook has been too much about work. That lazy Friday night you thought of logging in and seeing "Dinner tomorrow?" or "I miss you!" has become "Meeting on..." or "Please read..." Yes, it's overwhelming but I do not complain, I repeat, I do not complain about my job. I actually enjoy doing my job. But you know that point when you finally decide to refuse to bring your work home because it will swallow the time you should be spending with yourself or with your family or your friends? It's similar to those jobs which you get paid for. I say yes to "Use Facebook as an aid to sending updates, not really post everything."

Finally, I have decided to come back home. To return to Blogspot which has protected me since second year high school. I'm here to stay, dear Blogspot, until...I don't know. Maybe until I change blogs. Every echo of laughter shall be heard here. Every drop of tear shall be wiped here. Every secret shall be kept here. I must admit that I have to write on my notebook back in QC once in a while. I don't have Internet connection there, you see. I hope you would not think that I'm cheating on you with my notebook.

I envy those people who can write their emotions freely, so clear and straightforward. It's as if they don't care that other people might read it. That is why I have returned, dear Blogspot. I wish to write like they do. I wish to write my feelings no matter how informal and incoherent my post would be. Maybe in here, just in here, I can ignore what people will say. This will be my little world where only I am fit of surviving. I will sit on top of it and watch my life play like normal people watch the sun rise and set. I can replay those happy moments when my dad used to carry me on his shoulders or that time when I was kissed in the rain. I can skip those nights I felt like there were monsters under my bed or that night I learned of truths and lies. After all, no one even bothers to visit you, dear old Blogspot.

I'm not closed to guests, just so you know. Travelers are actually very welcome and sharing anecdotes are even more appreciated. Be warned, though. This world I have created is not just butterflies and rainbows. It has storms and serpents and daggers so sharp they can cut through your chest. If, however, you miraculously choose to stay, I must say I am very accommodating. I shall make your bed and provide you with the softest pillows and the warmest blankets. I shall prepare you a hearty breakfast and maybe you can help me make my little world more suitable for living. Maybe we could plant trees and make music.

Anything.

But war.

The Farm

2011-06-04T16:01:00.006+08:00

The farm. That's what's keeping my mom and dad busy. I was never that fond of the farm until my dad called me one March evening and showed me his first 'harvest'.

We poured salad dressing on the lettuce leaves and everyone had a taste of Dad's first 'harvest'. I can't remember what happened to the calamansi though.

It was like that every Saturday night. Mom and Dad would come home from the farm bringing vegetables and fruits. Soon their harvests were more than enough so we had to share it with my grandma and my aunt. We're not yet selling our vegetables.

During the Holy Week, Dad took us to the farm so we could help Mom harvest.

Oh yeah, we have pigs too.

This one's my favorite. I named her Caramel.

And this is my favorite "piglet shot". BTW, I named her Babe.

And we have a mommy pig - or a sow. We haven't named her yet.

Just two weeks ago I revisited the farm and I was surprised to see that we now have turkeys and sheep. The sheep are a little shy. They run away when you come near so you can't touch them and feel their uber soft fleece. Too bad. And the turkeys, they're laying eggs now! No egg has hatched yet but I'm looking forward to seeing little turkeys running all over the place. Unfortunately, I left my camera in QC so I won't be posting turkey shots and sheep shots. I promise to post them soon. For now, enjoy vegetable pics :)

Writing Your Heart Out

2011-03-26T16:05:00.003+08:00

It's sad seeing my blog inactive. For months I have been thinking of what story to write or what experience to share. Nothing comes. Everything happens so fast and hazy making it impossible to notice. Stories end as soon as the next morning comes. Feelings don't last long. Before I even get to the computer, my story has already expired. Why write a story that has been alive for only a short moment? Why write a story that has died when its very purpose is to keep the content alive - the heart beating, blood flowing, and the mind dreaming.

Two nights ago I finally understood. There is a story that lives inside me. It has been living for, I don't know, years? It's a story so alive I can feel it beat with my heart and flow with my blood...inside me. It's as if we coexist, that it would die at my death.

Why I learned of this story only now when, in fact, it has been living for years, I need not ask. The answer dawned upon me even before the question was raised. I'm a liar.

I lie about everything - about what I did, about what I want, about what I feel. If lying to someone else is bad enough, I don't know what lying to oneself is. Yes, I lie to myself. I know what I want and I know what I feel. I know what will make me feel better but I refuse to admit that it's what I need. I find other activities to put my attention to just to bury the story. I keep myself busy with other things when I know that after the pile of work has been accomplished the story will resurface and haunt me. I tell myself that everything will fall into place in time when I know that it will never be until the story has been told.

That's when I realized why writing has become a rare activity for me. I was afraid that people would get tired of the same story I have been telling for years. I was worried that it would bore them to read the same old stories about bleeding and wrath. But you know what, I'm thinking of writing more stories about bleeding and wrath now. Because I would rather write about pain and hatred than not to write at all.

Trip to the Wild

2011-03-12T09:35:00.001+08:00

We visited the Ninoy Aquino Parks and Wildlife Nature Center yesterday to get an interview with one of the veterinarians, Dr. Steven Toledo. He was very nice and he answered all our questions very adequately. One of the questions I asked him was if he had a personal favorite. He answered that it was difficult to get too attached to the animals because letting go would be hard. He had a personal favorite, a baby gorilla. I noticed that his eyes became a little teary when he was telling us that the baby gorilla died due to some disease. What moved me was that when I asked him if they had any kind of problems maintaining the center. He said that he was hoping that we could help them and that we become biologists instead of a medical doctor. That debate, between biology and medicine, is a thought I have been bothered lately but that would be an entirely different post. I could go on writing about the many things I have learned from him but that would be delaying my date with sweet organic chemistry.

Anyway, that picture of the deer above is my favorite; its sadness raising awareness of animal welfare.

A reply to 2010 is about 2009

2010-12-21T18:34:00.003+08:00

"When the wound you know time has healed hurts, were you wrong thinking that it has healed?"

That's a quote from the post I made last January. I remember telling that I shall find the significance of an ugly, painful scar. My post sounded that I was so sure of finding it this year. And indeed, midway 2010, I found it so as this year approaches its end, I am making sure that I create a post in reply to that I made in January.

First and foremost, I thought it has become a scar. That wound was received such a long time ago that it's actually normal for people to think it's already a scar. Apparently, it wasn't. And it still isn't.

Second, that's not only what I learned this year. I also learned why it hasn't healed yet. That's because no one catalyzes the healing because, hello? Self-healing takes an awful long time. ~~Sometimes the wound even ends up getting stabbed~~

Finally, I've made my answer to the question, "Why do you keep holding on?" Because there's something holding me back. I can't let go of that hand either. Because I'm scared of falling into that bottomless pit below.

P.S.

Congratulations, anonymous, for being the lucky winner!

What happens after time has healed the wounds?

-I think you can't consider it healed if you still feel so much pain and trauma about it.

Books, High School, and Dreams

2010-10-27T21:57:00.005+08:00

It's where the nerds get bullied, the average gets dumped for a hottie, the best of friends fight, and the rest were just...invisible. It's where the best soccer player asks the shy girl out, the school's basketball team wins a game against mean, buff guys, the wallflower gets chosen as the prom queen, and the rest enters that particular season where everyone just seems to be so deeply in love.

It's like a nightmare. But a pleasant one.

Reading posts on your school's page about the same old "THIS vs. THE OTHERS" (stories, jokes, etc.) does not seem that entertaining anymore. Are these most of the posts I'll be reading there? Logging in to one your accounts transports you into another realm - a world where girls rant about what they want their guys do for them. Sure there are pages containing less drama which are rather interesting ~~but my dashboard's filled with those kinds of shit but I'm guilty of reblogging because those posts I can relate to~~ And so I moved to my Blogger account where only my world exists and I can modify it into whatever that suits my taste.

I needed an escape. This is one of the many times I wanted to enter a perfect world, where music is in perfect harmony and colors are in balance. A dream, perhaps? Then I begin to return to my comfort zone, a story that just exists as a dream today. But a very vivid dream. So vivid that recalling it is like having that same dream again...awake, yet I do not want to wake up. Soon I'll find myself trapped again, wishing that things go back the way they used to be because I want to live in that now-imaginary world.

It works the same way with the books I read - creating an imaginary world and living inside it.

I'm sure you've heard that life is about choices; it's like driving in a path full of crossroads. But you have to get off the road and pull over once in a while or you'll get sick of driving. Stretch your arms up. See the amazing views, don't forget to take pictures! Then buy a souvenir.

Get away from reality and dream. Be the princess. Or be the heroine. Do some magic or slay some beasts. Play a sport. Dance slow. Fall in love.

Finally, get back in the car and start driving. You don't want to get stuck in that dream and delay your travel, do you?

Because there's so much more to see.

Surprise Birthday Party

2010-09-11T01:14:00.002+08:00

Can I just say I’m luckier than any man because I’ve got four amazing girls with me at the same time?

RANT

2010-09-07T12:55:00.001+08:00

Quick post before Physics class:

I'm starting to give up on studying, but not on learning. I hate having to wake up and think of an A+ (or a 1.00) I have to get or a deadline I have to beat. I want to learn. No A+. No deadline. No pressure. Just having fun learning.

Keeping a Journal

2010-08-24T18:07:00.002+08:00

I hate keeping journals - writing about how has your day been. I'd rather grab the chance to sleep early or study for something than write an entry. And I used to do journal-writing back in elementary and in high school, back when it was required for school. But this time, I'm going to write on a journal because I want to.

~~No, it doesn't answer 'What happened today?'; it answers 'What made you happy today?'. Then maybe I can finally get rid of that stupid feeling of being stuck and depressed in history.~~

Keeping a Journal

2010-08-23T20:21:00.003+08:00

No, it doesn't answer 'What happened today?'; it answers 'What made you happy today?'. ~~Then maybe I can finally get rid of that stupid feeling of being stuck and depressed in history.~~

/quickpost

Ugliness

2010-08-22T08:56:00.005+08:00

Very slowly, living up to this kind of life has become a little less uncomfortable.

Very slowly, I am getting used to this hideous world filled with violence, pornography, and lies.

How do you get by in a world so ugly? Be ugly yourself.

I will not be saved this time. Because this is what this world is all about - being in a mess and getting stuck in it.

Ruined Mascara

2010-07-18T17:33:00.003+08:00

Because I don't want to spoil the happy mood of my Facebook page which includes high school love, roommates love, and Momo's 18^th, I have decided to awaken my blog.

For the first time in my life, I'm dying to get back to QC. I have spag and pancakes and chips and TV and fast net connection and spacious house and piano all for free. But I'm willing to trade all those for our stuffed little bedroom, oh-so-slow internet connection, tired and aching feet, and a few people.

I want to start working on my papers and study my majors. Not that I don't want to cram, I actually enjoy the rush. Not that I want to devote my all to studies. Maybe I just need something to keep my mind off certain things. I want to just curl in that dim house by the playground with those four people and do nothing. Not that I am too tired, but indeed, I am tired. Maybe I just need one day to live as if there's nothing to worry about.

Lately I noticed that I have been performing so poorly. And I know that this is very far from the person I knew I was. I'm someone who works with excellence, or at least one who works good. Sometimes I just want to let go. I want to break free from my daily routine - go to school at 7AM, chill somewhere at 5:30PM, and go home around 8PM to do school stuff.

~~Why do I want to go back to QC this bad? Maybe because a huge part of my life is locked there and that's where I should start looking for answers. Not here at home.~~

Ideas and emotions are rushing into me so rapidly I can't put them into something coherent. Maybe I should not make a post at all.

2010-06-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I can't help thinking what could have been had I chosen the other university. Will the 'other people' fail me too?

On the Wet Bench

2010-06-10T00:26:00.003+08:00

Ranting to Effie was not enough so let me do this before I sleep.

Who thought Chemistry could be this demanding? Gah. You should have seen the looks on our faces while we were listening to the institute's rules and regulations.

Just as when you were so happy you finally escaped your former teacher, she returns. Our instructor is nice and considerate. But I just don't get her points when she starts to speak about Chemistry. Or was it just me?

Physics was one hell of a lecture. The building's atmosphere just feels so gloomy and deserted. And it was an afternoon class. Plus a lecturer who can't teach. And large class. What's worse is that Physics class is a daily class.

But wait, it doesn't end there! After the class, you have to fight your way with people who mob the Toki. After that, you have to wait for 40 minutes for your PE instructor who does not show up. So you're stuck in the gym because it's pouring oh-so heavily outside but-who-cares-if-I-get-soaked-I-want-to-get-home-so-bad-because-I'm-so-pissed-I'm-crying.

Dripping wet, I changed into dry clothes and curled on my bed. Not even the WiFi can make me happy. I remembered I had to get my picture taken for class requirements.

I went to the Shopping Center after a nap. Miraculously, there was something good that happened yesterday. Shops were closed but not that shop where you can get your photo taken.

But unfortunate events don't stop there! However, storytelling of how bad my day was stops here.

I was sitting on a wet bench looking at all the lit lampposts when I began to break. I wanted to do something hardcore. Something extreme. Not necessarily something evil but...yeah, I wanted to do something hard core.

I want to kiss a total stranger. I want to shoot all 15 lit lampposts. I want to punch something hard until my knuckles bleed. I want to jump from a waterfall. I want to scream. I want to run to that part of C.P. Garcia and stop cars. I want to burn stuff. I want to break ~~hearts~~ things. I want to throw my cellphone on the white car's windshield (but I can't because my dad will kill me). I want to bury my SIM card instead (but I can't because I won't be able to use my phone for morning call functions).

I was in so much pain that I threw my precious brush. (now that I think of it, losing my brush was okay because its bristles hurt a bit) So I had to call my personal doctor, Effie, who never fails to mend me. Aww... :">

Anyway, I'm still so pissed I'm not even bothering to check my post for errors. And remembering how I was breaking makes me feel even more depressed. I pity myself for having experienced something so harsh and so painful.

"When the rain ceased, I knew it was my turn."

Post-Vacation Post

2010-06-07T19:12:00.005+08:00

Around twelve hours from now, I'll be sitting inside a classroom listening to my Biology professor.

I'm not going to rant and tell you about how packed my schedule is, considering I have three laboratory classes. I'm not going to tell you how I'll miss Facebook or movie marathons or mall-hopping or 12 hours of sleep or this and that. Instead, I will tell you happy things. I will tell you of the things that happened during my 2-week long vacation.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

I read about this when I was in elementary. Until now, it still gives me a heavy feeling after. I think the story is serious and grave. Is this movie meant for kids? Even I was crept out. But still, AWESOME GRAPHICS. The movie would be so much better had I watched it in 3D.

THE BACKUP PLAN

It seems like the movie was forced to have a conflict.

SPOILER: Zoe, determined to have a child but has not yet found the right one, had herself inseminated. She got pregnant then fell in love with Stan. Stan, after Zoe explained her backup plan, gets confused but still decided to continue his relationship with Zoe and father the baby. (Which was oh-so sweet) They were confronted with a question one day that says something like, "You have a baby?" Stan answers, "No, it's not mine" BUT he immediately takes it back and says, "Yes, we have a baby." Or something close to those lines.

END OF SPOILER

The conflict? Zoe broke up with Stan just because of some lame choice of words. Still, it entertained me for a while.

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS

The movie was...cute.

This is the story of Flint Lockwood, ~~a nerd~~ an inventor who turns water in clouds into food - burgers, ice cream, steaks, jellybeans, pancakes, you name it. The part where Flint finds a love interest in Sam Sparks (who, BTW, is also a nerd) is really, really cute. :3 Baby Brent was really annoying when he takes off his clothes and goes "Uh-oh" at first, but I've grown used to it. Now I find it really funny, lol.

PLANET 51

The concept of an astronaut landing on a different planet and finds himself the alien in that planet? It was okay. A bit boring but Chuck Baker (the astronaut) was cute, plus, he has Dwayne Johnson's voice.

RUMOR HAS IT

So like high school. No, the protagonist is not some teenage girl who gets bullied by mean girls but gets the jock everyone's dying to have. For some reasons, this movie reminded me of my high school days. Though the "rumor" started from a teenage girl who...no, I'll stop here. Well, the rumor was actually true. It became a book then it had a film adaptation. It's really complicated so just watch it.

For those who have watched it, Beau Burroughs has now a different meaning for me. He has become a legend. A person who has a fetish for patterns.

WISHING STAIRS

It's a Korean horror movie. Legend says that if you climb the 28 steps leading to the dormitory counting aloud and you find a 29^th step, you can make a wish and it shall be granted. Like any other horror movies, I had fun scaring my sisters. >:)

SHUTTER ISLAND

Watch it. And think about it. Just don't get insane, okay?

PRACTICAL MAGIC

Entertaining and magical.

"You ever put your arms out and spin really, really fast? Well, that's what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. But if you're not careful, if you don't keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can't see what's happening to the people around you. You can't see that you're about to fall."

-Gillian Owens

THE LOVELY BONES

Awesome. Why? It's Peter Jackson.

Thank you, people who suggested movies. I'll be watching the rest of the movies you suggested on the term break, Christmas break, summer, the next term break...I have lots of time. So suggestions are still accepted. :)

The Piano and I

2010-05-21T21:31:00.009+08:00

My piano teacher was absent last Sunday - she was ill. I kind of missed her though I was given the chance to wake up late because my lesson starts around 9am. Why? Because I was excited to play my new piece, Clementi's Sonatina Op. 36 No. 6. We tried playing this two weeks ago but I don't seem to remember how it sounds. I was from an overnight pool party that Sunday morning so I was feeling a little dazed. I didn't actually hear how bad I played that morning. All I know was that I was oh-so slowly hitting the correct keys, never minding the beat. Teehee.

Anyway, I'm planning to study it tonight so I decided to listen to it first. I clicked that link above and got my heart broken. H-how can I not play as well as he does?

I guess I'll just have to study the Main Theme from Disney Pixar's Up instead. Kahit mahirap kasi mabilis siya. :(

I watched Pride and Prejudice today because I wanted to fall in love with Mr. Darcy again. He's still as charming as ever. :"> Hearing Arrival at Netherfield over and over inspired me to relearn the piece. But I just couldn't perfect that allegro part. Heartbreaking.

I Tag You

2010-03-26T23:29:00.002+08:00

I was at Miguel's blog and it came upon me - a blog post.

March is ending soon and it has been a year since we left the comforts of high school. What happened in that one year after high school?

What I Still Am:

1) I still don't keep a planner

2) because I still have good memory.

3) I still can't cook.

4) I still wait for the last minute before I start working on school stuff.

5) And even after that, I still beat the deadlines, hah!

What I No Longer Am/What I Learned/Whatever:

1) I'm no longer an internet-dependent person. I have learned to live without logging into Facebook each night. I abuse the WiFi at home, though. :p

2) I have learned that eating out alone for dinner (for consecutive days) is heartbreaking. And that it's better if you eat at home instead.

3) I learned Chemistry.

4) I learned how to use the library. And that it's nice sleeping in the SocSci section of the MainLib, teehee.

5) I learned how to be happy. It's the same way about loving. You learn to love yourself first before you can love someone. And about smiling, you have to smile at someone before he smiles back at you. You don't grant someone's happiness by allowing yourself to suffer. Instead, you let them suffer. You let them discover that sulking is a choice. And that living is a choice, too. When they see you happy, only then they can believe that happiness is a possibility.

What happened to you in that one year after high school? Copy, answer, repost.

I'm not sure if this will work but I tried it anyway, teehee.

Re: Moving Forward

2010-03-21T07:57:00.001+08:00

Isn't step 1 a lot easier if it is placed at the last part?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Moving Forward

2010-03-15T00:50:00.006+08:00

1. Forgive. The first step is really hard, I know. I suggest you skip this and move along to step 2.

2. Forget. This step is followed by a series of steps.

2.1 Eliminate. Eliminate the problem.

2.2 Eliminate. Kill. Annihilate. Destroy. Slay, I mean, wipe out everything related to the problem.

2.3 Act. Act like you really do not see the things you eliminated, killed, annihilated, destroyed, crushed, wrecked, or whatever you did to those. They're gone after all.

3. Smile. Be proud of your accomplishment. Everyone, I mean, everything is covered in a pool of blood. Everything is gone now.

4. Shower. You too are covered in blood. Take off the filthy blood of the world's enemies from your precious skin. You may have eliminated a lot, but remember, it's for the benefit of all.

5. Think ahead. Now that you're clean, think of how so much better your world is now. Think of how good you are, following this guide oh-so faithfully. Think of how your heart turned a lot lighter after leaving all those b*tches behind. Think of how peaceful your nights will be, never thinking about those that bother you.

6. Live. Meet new people. Read the paper. Dance in the rain. Climb a mountain. Give someone a hug. Read a book. Watch a play. Sing at the top of your lungs. Paint a scenery. Kiss your dad. Take pictures. Watch the sunset. Stay up until sunrise. Gaze at stars. Bake a cake. Give a friend a present. Write a story. Play the piano. Make sandcastles. Swim with dolphins. Fall in love.

7. Think back. Think of how beautiful your life is with them gone. You sure are capable of living an enjoyable life without them. Now do step 1. Isn't step 1 a lot easier if it is placed at the last part?

I wonder when I can stop trying step 1 and move to step 2.

Sa Piling Niya'y Kay Tamis Mabuhay

2010-02-21T15:07:00.004+08:00

I remember the song we used to sing at school years ago. I have been singing it since elementary, the Muntinlupa March. I never appreciated it until today.

I was unable to come home last week because of this Go-Go! thing. I forgot what it means (will research later), but it's technically a camp. No, not just a camp. It's the camp. Going back, I just arrived home last night. I was really sad that I couldn't come a day earlier because I have Saturday activities. Boo hoo.

I have a play I should have watched last Monday, but I requested to have my ticket exchanged for a later schedule. You see, the Monday show was scheduled right after my Chemistry test and I didn't really feel like watching a play right after the test. The test wasn't that much of a pain but I wanted to have fun - play does not mean fun.

So last Friday, I experienced something I had promised myself way back never to feel again. It was a horrible feeling. I came home (referring to boarding house) around 6pm. Thank God for classmates who feed my laptop games. To kill time, I played until God knows when. Playing didn't kill a lot of time because I was sort of sick of the games. I was playing it for two days straight. O.O So I tried calling people and telling them how much I miss them. That's how my night went until I fell asleep.

I woke around 9pm. I tried to sleep again.

I woke around 11pm. I tried to sleep again.

I woke around 1am. Shit, will I wake at 3am? I tried to sleep again.

I had a dream about a war. I was firing at a lot of enemies. I was killing a lot of enemies.

I woke around...err, I didn't look at the time, lol. I never tried sleeping again. Or if I did try, I must have failed. I didn't know how many hours (or minutes?) I was awake; all I'm sure is that I was up during sunrise because I witnessed the sun's rays crawl on my bed and warm my legs.

Soon I was packing my things and heading to the campus. I was invited to an 'open house'. Rather than lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, I accepted the invitation. I stayed there until it was time for me to watch the play I postponed. It was fun. Actually, it was so fun it made me regret postponing it. I should have watched it last Monday, right after the test. That way, I shouldn't have experienced extreme boredom at the boarding house. I shouldn't have traveled home that late last night. I could have gone home a day earlier and enjoy the amenities of home a day earlier.

But since I'm home now, I'll stop feeling bad.

2010 is about 2009

2010-01-17T23:42:00.006+08:00

If inactive accounts could get cobwebs, my blogger would look like Aragog's lair. You see, I'm running out of things to write. The stories I think of writing sound sad and dark. The things that happen each day seem so mediocre - too uninteresting to blog. I envy the people who see the beauty and can blog about simple things. Maybe tomorrow, I'll try seeing the world in a different view. If not, the day after tomorrow. Or next week. I'm not sure when, but I know that it will happen.

I stared at the blinking cursor for a long time. I want to write, but I'm not sure how to. I don't even know what to write. It makes me sad.

I was thinking of writing about how 2009 marked my life. 2009 was rough and it made me realize a lot of things. I could go on listing everything I learned in the previous year, but those, I know, you have learned already. However, one thought struck me.

What happens after time has healed the wounds?

And so the prince who got wounded from the battle married the princess and they lived happily ever after.

Years after...

The prince bathed one day and saw the large scar on his left leg. It was just a scar. No blood. No pain. No evil queen's minions to slay. But even years after, the battle was still very vivid - the crimson blood, the dark skies, and even the queen's evil cackle. Seeing the scar, the prince remembered how painful the wound was, and he cried.

But the prince lived happily ever after with the princess! Why so much pain?

When time has turned your wound into a scar, would you still feel the pain? No?

The battle might have brought the prince traumatic experience. Poor prince. Won't his happy life with the princess be enough to save him from madness?

When the wound you know time has healed hurts, were you wrong thinking that it has healed?

You weren't. I wasn't. I can't find my reasons yet, but I'm sure that they're here somewhere.

This is the best I can do to keep the end of this post from hanging. And as I have said, the reasons are here somewhere. I'll look at the world differently. I will see beauty in simplicity. I will discover the significance of an ugly, painful scar. Maybe not tomorrow, or the day after it. Maybe not as soon as next week. But finding it, I know, will happen.

The Surprise Dinner

2009-12-12T12:54:00.002+08:00

I wanted to go home so bad yesterday that not even the heavy rain can stop me. The only thing that could delay me was...never mind. I met with Dela at around 5pm. And we waited for about 1 1/2 hours for Harvey and Gizelle.

The guys were planning to give us free dinner which surprised me and Gizelle. Harvey even led the prayer where he asked God to help him make us (Gizelle and I) happy. We weren't even that depressed! There were so much laughter and happiness, just like the old times. Ken dropped by just as the man was setting up the karaoke box. Would we (Dela, Harvey, and I) pass up the chance to grab the microphone and embarrass ourselves in front of the whole Muntinlupa? No. We sang three songs in total; Gizelle didn't sing. :(

The three guys planned to do their DotA thingy AFTER they take us to the jeepney terminal, but we met Errol on the way. Guess what happened. They were too excited to do their thing that they forgot to take us to the terminal. Oh, well.

Still...

Thank you, God, for giving me such sweet friends.

Sadness

2009-12-10T09:50:00.001+08:00

Yes, I am sad.

I met with some friends last Monday and we had dinner together. Schoolwork isn't eating me up so I get plenty of sleep. I met with a lot of friends last Wednesday and we had dinner together, plus a McDo food trip.

Still, I am sad.

I miss home. No, not the comforts of home like I used to say before. Just home. Okay, and the comforts of home.

It pains me each Monday I have to leave for QC. I hate having to pack and thinking, "It's going to be another week." I want to stay home as long as possible and leave as late as possible. I remember Dad texting me last week on my way back to the boarding house:

Dad: Kumain ka na? Saan ka kumain?
Me: Oo, sa Kenny [Roger's Roasters].
Dad: Nanunuod ako ng Darna.

I laughed. He was not only asking me how I was; he wants to have a little chitchat. I wanted to tell him, "Ba't ka text ng text? Miss mo na 'ko, 'no?", but I don't have enough load. Haha.

I have been ~~deprived of freedom~~ incapable of accessing my emails (in both Gmail and Yahoomail) and my Facebook account for three days now. The WiFi here in our library does not permit my social networking sites. I can only log into Multiply (Thank you, Multiply, for enabling cross-posting to Blogger). And tumblr. I was forced to create a tumblr account just so I can have another business aside from Multiply. Still, I miss my restaurant and my farm. T__________________T

Going back to my sadness, I tried talking it out with a friend. He said, "Aww, homesick siya. Uwi na tayo bukas." I can't wait for tomorrow.

The Hangover

2009-11-30T10:24:00.007+08:00

My sister went home with me last Saturday, meaning the whole family was home during the weekends. I went grocery shopping with Mom and Dad so I can meet with some friends at the mall.

We were happy; I guess the photo speaks for itself. We met at the movies because we were planning to watch New Moon. But I can't watch it again so I have to pull someone from the group and take her strolling around the mall. And that was Angie.

Meeting them didn't really give me a hangover but...it was nostalgic.

I watched 17 Again yesterday, this time with my sister who just got home with me last Saturday. ~~I'm converting people into Zac-followers~~ I had to do a lot of begging before I could convince her to watch the movie. And the aftermath?

Ate Ange: Ang gwapo ni Zac.
Me: Oo nga. Grabe 'no?
BOTH: Zac's mine!

When I first watched the movie [which was with Inna]...

Me: I love Zac na.
Inna: Bigyan mo 'ko ng Zac-in-a-Box.

And the second time [which was with my other sister]...

Me: 'Di ba?
Ate Tek: *rolls eyes*
/conversion failure

So at dinner...

Ate Tek: Edward ♥
Me: YUCK. Jacob ♥
Inna: Jacob ♥
Ate Ange: Ang harsh n'yo naman kay Edward.
Inna: Siya kasi eh!
Me: Gwapo pa rin si Zac. Zaaaac...
Ate Ange: Bading 'yun!
Me: NOOO!

[insert more stories about hot guys here]

At dessert...

Me: Nung una kong pinanuod yung 17 Again, one week akong 'di maka-get over kay Zac.
Ate Ange: Ganu'n talaga. Ako nga kay Gerard Butler eh. Alam mo ang solusyon diyan?
Me: Manuod ng isa pang movie na may gwapo?
Ate Ange: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Me: Hindi nag-work 'yun.
Ate Ange: Na-try mo na? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Mag search ka sa net ng--
Me: Pictures nila?
Ate Ange: Hinde!! Ng bad rumors tungkol sa kanila.
Me: Walang bad rumors tungkol kay Zac.

At bedtime...

Ate Ange: I love Jacob na.
Me: Sabi na sa'yo eh.
Inna: Crush din ni Mommy si Jacob.
Me: Si Daddy din, boto kay Jacob.
Ate Ange: O.O
Me: Ate Tek, kailangan ni Edward ng representative. Hinuhusgahan na siya dito.

Me: Naiintindihan ni Daddy si Bella. Sabi niya, "Iniwan niya (referring to Edward) kasi, nag-rebelde tuloy."
Ate Tek: Aww. He's an understanding father.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me: Taylor ka na ah.
Ate Ange: *He's my forever.
Me: Yay, akin na si Zac! He's my forever and ever and ever.
Ate Ange: He's MY forever!

*He's my forever - a quote from Maggie (17 Again)

What I learned: It's normal to get a hangover from movies.

I used to be love drunk
But now I'm hung over ♫

Coffee and Cookies

2009-10-23T10:49:00.009+08:00

It all started with Joyce's 'good morning'.

Effie and I were both furious that morning (if you look at the image closely, you will see that we were planning to murder some people) and since I planned on going back to Muntinlupa, I asked her plans for that day. Then we learned that Joyce was planning to go back to Muntinlupa that day too. Effie and I owe Joyce a lot because we almost never see her, since she's in Manila and we're in QC. So after some time [and finally convincing Joyce that we all looked wasted and stressed - she doesn't want to be seen by people when she's in that state], we settled that we meet and have a cup of coffee later that afternoon.

I met Effie around 2pm and she took me searching for a good business attire. The searching didn't take long so we had to wait for Joyce for a looong time. Effie suggested that we visit PLMun [to see some people] to kill time wherein I happily agreed.

On the way to PLMun, someone told us that we ask the jeepney driver to drop us where we were at, at the very moment. And so we were dropped, somewhere on the way to the school. Not long after, a bunch of familiar faces appeared. So we got in the car with these familiar faces - Sir Doc, Sir Rico, Harvey, Eunice, Mark, and Dela. We were all headed to Festival Mall.

These familiar faces (except for Sir Rico who got off somewhere on the way to the mall), I guess, were supposed to have their own 'trip'. Effie and I were supposed to catch up with them after meeting Joyce but, I suddenly realized that I don't feel like being in that 'kind' of trip that evening. I don't know but I prefer to have coffee and cookies with Joyce. It's not that because Joyce might get mad. I think coffee, cookies, and chitchat sound so perfect. And that choice, I'm sure I will never regret the next morning.

And so we talked. About us, them, him, her, it, this, that, now, then, and even you. Yes, reader, you.

Walking on my way home, I realized one thing: It was only with them where I feel like I have not missed anything. That...in that one semester, one summer season, and that one particular school year that we were apart, not one thing has changed. In that long gap, there was neither difference nor distance created. It feels like I did not miss anything.

O.o

2009-10-13T20:07:00.007+08:00

I am so DEAD.

I have unit circle problems. Really?
I failed to locate all the bodies of water in Asia.
~~I got annoyed with excessive, repetitive, pointless complaints, got accused of something, had been called something, and got really furious.~~
I need about 10 more hours of teaching.
I must cram accomplishing requirements - requirements that I knew of only today.
I sort of overspent.
I have not yet fixed my schedule for the next semester and my will to do it is slowly fading. Come what may, second semester.
~~Someone just text-ed and why, oh why must you suddenly text when I'm down? Do you have some sort of superpowers that detect my need to talk to someone sensible?~~
I learned that the test I was saying I'll take on the 22^nd is actually on Friday.

And that's why I am so dead. I have a test about something I have no idea of on Friday.

A Few Plans

2009-10-10T10:24:00.002+08:00

I feel like I have a lot to do lately. And whenever I think of the next thing to do, all the other things I needed to get done rush to my mind. So here's a checklist:

Fifteen

2009-10-05T16:49:00.001+08:00

Err...by any chance, I didn't hear Taylor Swift's "Fifteen" playing today but I kept on singing it for a reason I don't really know.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.

Too bad I'm no longer fifteen, lol.

Two Stars

2009-09-29T19:18:00.005+08:00

I fell in love with a star.

She was my star. She promised me that she was mine forever and that when she shines, she shines for me. She said that she would shine whenever she feels happy and that she would shine even brighter if I gaze at her. She promised never to leave me and that when I look up at the night sky, she would be up there, shining. She said that when the clouds start to move and cover her, she would shine her brightest just so I would know that she was still there. My star was the loveliest star among the millions that scatter across the blanket of blue above.

And so I promised to be faithful to her, my star. I told her that I would never cease watching her. Me looking at her would make my star feel very happy. She would shine, then I would know that she is happy. And that would be enough to make me feel blissful.

Up in the sky, my star glittered while I watch her from my balcony. Indeed she shines bright, even brighter than the stars that surround her. She once told me that stars shine only when they are happy. Seeing her shine brighter than the other stars, I feel so satisfied for making her feel that way. I make her glitter. I make her happy. That's what I do to her.

But what she does to me, it's more than making me happy. It's more than making my lips smile. She gives me a weird feeling when she glitters. Her radiance...it makes me want her even more. I want to reach her, touch her, and wrap my arms around her...forever. I want to feel her. I had to have her or I'd die. But I can't, she forbade me to even try. She would be enraged if I tried. She spoke of a deep emptiness that would engulf me if I try to touch her. I don't want my star to get mad so I have to keep my distance and admire her from afar. I have to stay away from her. It was hard - knowing that she's there yet I can't reach her. But I tried to get past through that difficulty. I looked at her and I began to love her...even more. Her illumination amid the dark night sky makes me feel safe. With her light, I don't feel alone. I feel her presence. I feel a companion. I feel comforted.

Clouds slowly moved and began to cover her, but my star shone brighter. The clouds left her and there she was again, with her brilliance. She came back and I felt peaceful. I felt peaceful because once again, she glittered. From that moment on, I knew that nothing bad could ever happen to me. I felt safe with her.

She twinkled - I had never seen anything so perfect. Knowing that she was happy calmed my weary heart.

Suddenly something even brighter came. It was so fast I even failed to see whether my star struggled to surpass the sudden light. Light scattered everywhere, soon there were no traces of the black blanket where my star hung. I waited long for my star to return but there was only one light, one very bright light. How happy could that star be to shine that bright? Could my star possibly cease from shining? Why didn't she ask me to do more to make her happy?

I'm confused. I feel alone. Why does this new star shine even brighter when I look at her? Why does she come at this moment, this moment when I feel alone? Why can't my star shine when this new star can? Somehow I wish she was you, my star. I wish she was you. I know I did promise to be faithful, but...it's hard to be faithful when you push me away, when you stop me from reaching you. It's hard to be faithful when you yourself are making me stay away from you.

Almonds and Dried Fruits

2009-09-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

We were asked to find a nice quote, write it on an illustration board, and decorate it with stuff in Values class during my second year high school. I thought it was lame, but anyway...

Me: Ano quote mo?
Seatmate: Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Me: Pffft. Okaaay.

You know what? I received a box of chocolates lately. I was expecting bitter dark chocolate, but I got sweet milk chocolate. And the best part was my chocolates had a bonus. My chocolates had almonds and dried fruits. And that made me even happier.

The Birthday Surprise

2009-09-06T12:39:00.008+08:00

I never had a plan for my birthday. Before I went to bed last Friday, I set my mind on only one thing: Come what may.

Thank you, Joyce, for being the first to greet me [at 12:01 AM].

I woke around noon and that was the time to make unique thank you-replies for everyone. Then I heard something from the dining room.

Inna: *whisper* *whisper*
Mom: O? Birthday niya ba? I didn't know. No one reminded me.
Dad: Oo nga. 'Di ko rin naalala e.
Me: *comes out from the bedroom* Mga baaaaad!

Dad decided to treat us dinner somewhere later.

I was lying on the sofa after lunch because I have nothing better to do. Then came a text message.

Dela: Ano ba gusto mo, cake o crema de fruta?
Me: Crema de Fruta. Baka pinapaasa mo lang ako ah.
Dela: 'Di ah. Di ako marunong magpaasa.

Dela offered to give me something for my birthday weeks ago and I jokingly agreed. He was never believable, you know.

Dela: Nandito na 'ko sa tapat ng bahay ninyo.
Me: O? Seryoso ka ba? 'Di pa nga 'ko naliligo eh. Wahahaha.

He began to ask me questions about our house and what startled me was...

Dela: 34 ba ang number ng bahay ninyo?
Me: Waaa. Nasa labas ka talaga? Maliligo muna ako.
Dela: Sige, I'll wait.

AWW.

After some time...

Me: Nasa labas ka talaga?
Dela: Tingnan mo.

I thought that he would just give the cake and walk away so I just wore a hoodie and shorts, but he wanted to go to Riel's. Since Riel's house isn't too faraway, I agreed to go wearing my shorts [which look rubbish]. I also told Dela that because he kidnapped me, he had to pay for my transport - I didn't bring any money because I thought that he wouldn't stay long. I promised to pay him the next time, though.

A piece of Dela's cake

Riel was still dressing when we came - our visit was a surprise too. After some chitchat, we went to the mall because Riel needed tracing papers for his plates. The two had to convince me to go to the mall with my lame clothes on. We met Dianne on the way so we asked her to go with us too.

At the mall, we searched for Nemei and continued walking to nowhere. When we have gone around the mall, we decided that it's time to buy Riel's tracing papers. We spent a lot of time in the store because he needed a lot of things. Rabbi came shortly.

Finally, it was time for me to leave them and join my family for dinner. And because it's my birthday, Superbowl gave me a nice chocolate ice cream. There were a lot of people celebrating their birthdays there, too. A lot of people's birthdays are on September, lol.

My chocolate ice cream. It reads "super happy birthday".

Before the day ends and this post ends...

I curled under my blanket and thought of all the things that happened the whole day. Everything was so spontaneous. And I liked it. But after summing everything up, I noticed something missing. Like a splendid wedding without a bride or a marvelous rainbow without an indigo.

The Long Night

2009-08-20T13:57:00.002+08:00

For me, only one thing happened - the long night was a significant episode for all of us. It brought forth a change - a consciousness different for each of us.

The Long Day

2009-08-20T13:17:00.002+08:00

For some reasons, I was so tired last Monday I couldn't study. But if I try to study the morning after, I'll end up curling in bed instead. So I needed to go to school really early last Tuesday because I failed to study for an uber long test.

So when I got to school, I began flipping on my notes. I was "like" studying for three hours. See, I have a friend who promised to help me study but ended up chatting with me. Or...I chatted with him? Whatever, we chatted. But "like" studying for three hours was helpful, the test went well.

After the test, we strolled around the campus until we decided to go to Gateway to meet another friend. Fine, I'll start naming friends now. A lot of friends are involved in this post. Effie was down that day so we, Tolits and I, decided to go to Gateway to meet her after her last class. We ended up eating pizza and strolling until we got bored while waiting for Effie's text message. Because we got bored, we decided to hop to Glorietta. While strolling around, Effie's message came telling this and that. Since its QC Day the next day (last Wednesday), I said yes.

~~After some tantrums were thrown,~~ I decided to go home first and pack stuff. I left home around 5:30pm and made it into Ayala MRT Station around 6pm. The queues were so long I thought I'd spend two hours before getting in the train. The queue went around the station, around the stalls, making long loops. So I went to the far end of the queue with my heavy bag. It was a good thing that I didn't find any problem getting into a train.

I was dropped in Cubao and there I got in another train. This is the only route to Katipunan I know, forgive me. I think I looked so wasted. With all the queues, and the heat, and the heavy bag, who wouldn't be? Going back, I didn't know how to get to McDo (Katipunan) aside from walking. So there, I dragged my wasted body and my heavy bag until I saw Rabbi. And there was Effie with Miguel, Monique, Tatum, Eunice, and Tolits. And there were hugs and laughter and bliss. Riel and Bianca came shortly after. And there were funny stories, sad stories, amazing stories, heartbreaking stories and many more stories that made me miss my high school friends even more.

The long day ends here. Imagine my trip from Ayala to Diliman then to Cubao, then back to Ayala, then in Cubao again and finally to Katipunan. Actually, the "Ayala-Katipunan trip" was during the early night. But the long night was a different story, a very different story. I'm not sure of posting it yet.

Of Ghosts and of Fear

2009-08-15T16:05:00.006+08:00

There was a night last week when I couldn't sleep. I had to lie down for hours before I finally drift off. For a reason I did not know, I woke after a few hours. I glanced at the time and noticed that it was only 1am. I can't wait for sunrise that long; I had to sleep. I must find a way to sleep again. Fearing I might spend hours lying, I climbed on my sister's bed. I had to curl because there are a lot of stuff on her bed. She then asked, "Ba't ka andito?" I couldn't think of the shortest way to explain why so I just replied with a hug. After several minutes, I fell asleep.

My sister is going away for a few days which means that I will be left home alone. A thing like this is not uncommon for me - she has been going in and out of the town and/or country since I moved to her house. I am actually used to being alone. But this time, I don't want her to leave. I don't want to be alone. I am scared. I don't want to spend the week all by myself.

At this moment, I'm alone again. I should be getting ready for a friend's birthday party. I was actually touched when I read another friend's message:

Moi punta kb kna dhin mamaya? Nu oras k punta dun? Cnu ksabay mu?

"Birthday friend" is celebrating his birthday somewhere in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. It's a bit difficult to go somewhere you don't know so I was actually relieved [and happy and touched and ~~cried~~] when "the other friend" texted. It's hard to say no to someone who's already doing you the favors. But just some minutes ago when he said that he has already boarded the bus and will meet me in Susana Heights, I told him that I had other plans and that I couldn't go.

So I'm still home, alone. Somehow I don't want to see faces. Somehow I don't feel like seeing people. Contrastingly, somehow I want to see certain people. Yes, certain people. That means that I want to see not only one person. I want to see several persons.

Right now, I'm craving for DQ but I don't have the heart to leave the house. Also, I don't want to eat alone. I know I used to say that people who can't move alone are weak but...I don't want something like this to happen:

Someone in DQ: Ba't kaya siya mag-isa? Siguro depressed siya. Kasi matamis kinakain niya e, Blizzard.
Me: Yum, yum, yum. ~~SOB.~~

Thinking about being alone next week, here are some tips to make me happy:
1. Leave me comments - blog comments, friendster comments, etc.
2. Keep your Multiply updated.
3. I know most of you are using Sun now but if you still have your Globe and are still using it, text me. For people I used to scold for calling and waking me in the middle of the night, you can call me. I won't scold you. Hahaha.
4. Allow me to spend Tuesday night with you. I don't have classes on Wednesday.
5. I know that this is a little impossible but, hug me!
6. Let's chat in YM.
~~7. Give me a bouquet of Ferrero Rocher. I don't care how many flowers are in the bouquet.~~
8. Give me brazo de mercedes.
9. Give me a nice dress.
10. Take me out of the town or country.
11. Send me a letter.
12. Give me a puppy.
13. Grant me a million wishes.
14. Take me stargazing.
15. Sing with me. Sing for me.
16. Take me to the beach.
17. Take me to a picnic.
18. Treat me at DQ.
19. Make time fly?
20. Give me a video of what happened in my 16 years.
21. Tell me stories.
22. Take me back to...wait, no going back to the past.
23. Daydream with me.
24. Let's watch movies at your house.
25. Send me a heartfelt email.

Am I asking too much? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just that my birthday is coming, hahaha. BTW, I don't care whether you give me a present or not. All you need is the guts to say "Happy birthday, Alyzza! I love you very much." to my face and give me a nice, warm hug. Okay, calls, text messages, and emails are accepted from distant people. ONLY from distant people. In distant, I mean oceans away. JOKE.

Going back...I am scared. Ghosts of yesterday haunt me. So to God, I pray, please ward off these ghosts.

To Be Remembered

2009-08-13T14:16:00.005+08:00

It's human to wish to be remembered.

In my 16 years of existence, I tried to be the person who will make you thank God for knowing. As my seventeenth comes, I will continue trying to be the person you will remember. I will do you favors, sometimes big, when I can.

No, I'm not trying to be an angel or a saint. Or your heroine. I'm not going to die for you. I'm not going to do your homework nor your chores. I'm not going to give you money. I'm not going to feed you. I'm not going to suffer for you. I'm trying to be a friend, or perhaps a stranger to some, who has done something.

That thing may be big or small, though for the most part, I have done only little things. Still, I want to be remembered. I feel glad when a friend happens to take my advice and tells me that she was happy of the result. I feel happy when my friends tell me "You're right" after I scold them. Or amid the busy, stressful peak hours when people are hurrying, a stranger tells you how sweet you smile. I want to touch people's hearts, even just for a while.

I guess it's human to wish to be remembered. Who among us wants to be forgotten? Who among us would do such a foolish thing - wish to be erased from someone's memory? We all want to be remembered, right? It's difficult to do things you're not accustomed to do. It's difficult to do things you really do not want to do in the first place - be forgotten. ~~If I could, I would make you remember me for the rest of your life.~~

Someday

2009-08-11T20:27:00.004+08:00

someday - (adv) some unspecified time in the future
-http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=someday

You know what's good about using the word 'someday'? It's an unspecified time in the future. It can be next month, next week, tomorrow, or even later, while you're having dinner.

You know what's not good about it? That it can be 5, 10, or even 50 years from now.

But one thing is for sure, it will come.

Make It Fast, Please

2009-08-11T17:27:00.003+08:00

It was so obvious, yet I did not notice.

A piece of art is how you read it, right? As it is made, the author, and only he alone, knows the meaning of his work. He alone can give it meaning. However when this piece of work is distributed, it changes its meaning. Its meaning now depends on who reads it.

So if it was a message intended for me, I am so sorry I did not notice. You must be laughing because I really looked stupid, saying this and that, but never understanding what your song really meant. Or I must have brought you even more pain for acting like I did not know how things were for you. I did not read your song the way you want me to, I guess that's the downside of art.

This was the only thing left I needed to know before I go my way. I was actually thinking that I might need a larger force to extract this piece of information. I was actually scared that I might never retrieve this information. I was surprised when I realized that it takes only two persons to retrieve it. One to imply, and the other to prove it whether true or false.

Have I never retrieved it, or found it false, I would be crushed into bits as fine as the sand you see in the most beautiful beaches. I might spend my forever dreaming of the things that could have been.

Having the knowledge at hand, I could not say that I would not be crushed. I am, in fact, but into coarser grains. Like a broken glass, which can be repaired using an adhesive. Sure it would be fragile at first, but give it time - it will harden soon. I might not spend my forever dreaming of the things that could have been, knowing that there could be none. None at all.

Learning of your story is a relief that the road chosen was, indeed, correct. If only I had known of this earlier. If only I had noticed earlier. If only I had given a deeper view of your work. Learning of your side of the story is, I would say, not easy.

But I know that this will pass. Soon. Make it pass. Fast. Please.

As I Do My Homework II

2009-08-09T17:27:00.008+08:00

Have you read "As I Do My Homework I" yet? No? Scroll down for it first.

After a short break, "Sepang Loca" came next. It was already 8:30pm and I was getting worried that I might not catch the last train to Ayala Avenue on my way back. If that happens, I would have to take a bus. Luckily, Brian gave me instructions in case I fail to catch the train. Even more luckily, I got in the train! I arrived in Makati around 11pm and I was surprised to see that the streets were still filled with people and cars. For a moment, I thought it was still 8pm.

Anyway...

People say that each barrio has its own lunatic or madman. Each has unique and peculiar stories. In this particular barrio, what the townspeople had was a madwoman whom they called Sepang Loca.

The story was narrated by an engineer who was tasked to cement the dusty roads of the barrio. It was said that when Sepa’s water has broken, she rushes to a well and gives birth. By that well, she cleanses herself and her newborn baby. The townspeople will then hurry to Sepang Loca, take the baby, and raise it themselves.

One evening, news spread that Sepa had once again given birth. The baby fell into the well while Sepa ran to the field and died. The townspeople thought that it was best to retrieve the baby from the well. While in the process, the wives in the town talked which led to a surprising turn of events.

During the month of May, the town holds rituals in honor of Sta. Clara, the patroness of the childless. It was during this time that the women would dance in the streets and ask the saint for a miracle, to grant them a child. However, no matter how many months of May they dance, not even a single wife bore a child. The only woman in their town who could get pregnant was Sepang Loca.

Hours passed and after finally retrieving the baby, the people discovered that the baby was dead. The mother of the engineer took the baby in her arms and was shocked. On the baby’s chest was a birthmark, a mark that resembles the one on her husband’s chest.

It was later revealed that during the nights when the streets seemed empty, the men in the town, masked and unidentified, rape the poor Sepang Loca.

The thought of the men raping the defenseless Sepa took days before leaving my mind. It was said that it was Sepa’s custom to give birth by the well. This must mean that she had given birth several times. Logically, Sepa must have been raped several times too. The villagers’ sin was unforgivable. Actually, the thought still haunts me once in a while.

The story was narrated by an engineer. In his short monologue in the beginning of the play, he explained what he was tasked to do as an engineer. He pointed to a particular well which he was also asked to cover with asphalt. Here he began to tell that there were rumors about that well. I remember him mentioning that no one was really sure whether the rumors were real or not. Only he knows what really happened during that night.

The revelation of the “village secret” was followed by another monologue from the engineer. I remember him saying that soon the dusty roads and the well would be covered and together with their stories, they would remain buried beneath thick asphalt.

I liked how the author picked the narrator. The engineer, probably, stands for progress. In the play, his mother never ceased saying that she was very proud of her son. She said that her son builds bridges and roads that help people. She said that she was proud of her son no matter what.

It is surprising how progress can erase the past in just one snap. Once the well becomes covered, it can no longer speak of its stories. It can no longer speak of the tales it has witnessed. The brutal act that the village had done will be forever forgotten.

Just like in our very own country, Fidel Ramos was accused of cheating in the presidential elections. But when the country progressed because of the stabilization of the economy, the rumor was never spoken of.

Just like in “The Judgment”, a Thai novel, a man named Ai Fak got himself in trouble when he tried to defend his insane stepmother from naughty kids. In the process, he hit the kids with stones and sent them bleeding. Because of this, Ai Fak was despised and loathed by the whole village. He was the subject of all the rumors that roam around the village. There came a time when electric power transmission reached the little community, resulting to the villagers buying all sorts of appliances—refrigerators, ovens, televisions. This was when the subject of the gossips shifted from Ai Fak to new appliances. Ai Fak’s misdeed was immediately overshadowed by the latest trends.

In just one snap, when bridges are created and roads paved or food preserved in fridges and soap operas watched, what happened before these will be forgotten. A sin, no matter how serious and grave it was, will be forgotten. Who among us will remember the violence committed in the past when we can enjoy the comfort and luxuries of the present?

"Sepang Loca" is a bit disturbing. The "baby" creeps me out. It looked real and slippery and alive. *shudders* And the men from the village are sick, right? Well, I think they are. What was shown in the play was a "gang rape". *shudders* I was so disturbed that the moment I got back home [in Makati], I began to tell my sister about Sepang Loca and the villagers. And she told me a story almost similar to "Sepang Loca" which she said was even "sick-er". I even joked and asked to sleep beside her because the baby haunts me, haha!

But really, I was disturbed.

As I Do My Homework I

2009-08-09T16:30:00.012+08:00

"Did you ever have to choose between something you wanted to do and something you had to do?" -Alfredo Salazar

Err...

Weeks ago, I watched "Dead Stars" in UP. Let's thank a friend who helped me kill time (2:30-6:30pm).

After having my ticket validated, I joined the queue that leads into the theater.
Me: Brian!
Brian: *turns around and approaches me*
Me: May kasama ka?
Brian: Wala.
Me: Ako din eh!

Let's thank another friend for watching the play with me. Watching stuff like this alone seems boring, right?

Must I talk about the entire play or just of the story? It's really hard. I'm no play critique, but I can say that the play went well. Anyway, it's just the story that I'm supposed to blog so to save time, here's my reaction paper and some bits I added ~~that my professor will not like to see in a reaction paper~~.

The play started with Alfredo Salazar recalling what mess he had made of his life. He spoke of an “Esperanza” and a “Julia”. Alfredo Salazar was a bachelor, engaged to a woman named Esperanza. The two had been together for four years; their marriage was the only thing awaited by the society. However, Alfredo’s passion for Esperanza had already faded.

Alfredo, along with Don Julian (his father), decided to meet Judge Del Valle one evening. Consequently, the eve led to Alfredo meeting the judge’s sister-in-law, Julia. Eventually, Alfredo grew feelings for Julia. However, he thought that it was best to marry his fiancée.

Eight years later, Alfredo went on a business trip to the town where Julia lives. He found himself searching for Julia’s house and eventually catching up with each other's lives. When they had parted, he realized that his feelings for Julia had gone.

Basically, “Dead Stars” is a collection of complications faced by man. It is a compilation of “what-ifs” and regrets. There came a point in Alfredo’s life when he had to choose between the expectations of the society and his own desire. Alfredo and Esperanza were the “ideal” couple. Marriage was the only thing they needed. On the other hand, he developed feelings for Julia. She possessed the qualities he lacked—Julia completed Alfredo.

If I were Alfredo, I would be crushed, destroyed, and devastated. For days, I was actually thinking whom to choose. Will I follow my heart and break my fiancée’s or break mine and spend my entire life wondering what could have been? It would be torture thinking of the things that could have been. Will I be happier marrying Julia?

Like what Alfredo did, I would marry my fiancée. I remember Esperanza telling Alfredo that she was no longer young. She was correct. She spent her youth waiting for Alfredo’s proposal. And now, Alfredo is having second thoughts marrying her? Alfredo, I think, did the right thing. Esperanza suffered long enough. Indeed, she had lost her youth waiting for the proposal. Could he bear seeing Esperanza’s heart breaking? Whose youth had been exhausted from waiting for him? Alfredo would be really cruel had he chosen Julia.

Before he left for his business trip, I remember Alfredo telling his wife that he was not unhappy with his marriage. However, he never said that he was happy with it. He might have been happy if he had had a family with Julia, but Julia would never approve of it. She knew what Esperanza was to Alfredo. She, too, would not want to break the heart of Alfredo’s long-time lover. Their relationship would never work out.

During Alfredo’s visit to Julia eight years later, he discovered that Julia never married. At the same time, he also discovered that he no longer has feelings for Julia. His longing to see Julia again was no longer love, but nostalgia.

It was sad and depressing. No one, of the three characters, experienced true happiness from love. It was even more heartbreaking when Alfredo discovered that time had wiped away his feelings for Julia. I liked how Alfredo compared Julia to dead stars, “I had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens.” Dead stars are celestial bodies that are long extinguished whose light can still be seen from the Earth. The light makes them seem like they still exist, similar to Alfredo’s feelings for Julia.

Really, I would be crushed if I were Alfredo and yes, I would marry Esperanza if I were unfortunate enough to be him. Marrying Esperanza will surely cause me emotional torture, thinking about the things that could have been. Marrying her will cause me neither happiness nor unhappiness. But...I know that Julia and I will never work out. Whichever way, it seems like a whole life wasted, right?

And Esperanza. My youth gone because of waiting for Alfredo's proposal? And Julia. Will I allow myself to make Alfredo call off the wedding? Will I make Alfredo grow even more apart from his fiancée?

"Men commit themselves when but half-meaning to do so, sacrificing possible future fullness of ecstasy to the craving for immediate excitement."

It's sad.

I am afraid. Very afraid. What if everything just leads to nostalgia? What if on that day, I will realize that the feeling I have is just nostalgia? Like dead stars, which only seem to be there. Make this pass. Fast.

Dear Girl Friends,

2009-08-08T11:22:00.004+08:00

Girl friends. Sometimes they're all you've got.

Enough said.

Wait, some more.

I was reading my blog posts (all of them) some time last week and I took note of the names who appeared the most. And I said, "Wow, these people have been a big part of my life." Their names have appeared since second year high school." After a few moments, I began to think. These people...these people are ~~guys~~ not my girl friends. Why?

It must mean that I have spent a really big part of my time with them, these guys. Like 'after-school tambay' or 'mall trips' just to kill time. But does that mean that I never did this with my girl friends? No, I try to hang out with them once in a while. It's just that... sometimes, they have better things to do ~~than slack all day~~.

Lately, I felt the need to be with them. Sadly, we could not meet up because of schedule conflicts, heavy rain, viral infections, you name it. So I'm thanking text messaging, making communication available anywhere, anytime.

My phone vibrating made me feel like I'm not alone. It made me happy. Really happy.

With love,
Alyzza♥

The Pearl Diver

2009-07-30T16:11:00.006+08:00

"Rest, human."

It was the voice again, the mysterious voice that had kept calling me since my descent. Earlier I began looking for that creature - I use 'creature' for I believe that no human can produce a sound so sweet yet so mysterious, but I had no luck. Now it spoke to me again. But this time, I found someone. She was leaning over me and all I could see was her face. Her curly, burgundy hair extended past her shoulders. Her round, hazel eyes gleamed as they stared at me. The fair maiden smiled.

"And speak none of what has been before your eyes."

I asked myself, "Has she been the one talking to me all the time? But then, how, if her eyes only gleam and her lips smile? How could she talk to me? If she had been thinking only of those words, how then could I hear her tell me to rest?"

She smiled once more as I heard the voice again, "I know your worries, the cause of your torment. Allow me to help you."

I wanted to answer back, but I did not know how. I tried to open my mouth, but no words came out. Fearing that I might have lost my ability to speak, I began to panic. My heartbeat raced. I tried to get up, but no muscle moved. I tried to scream for help, but still no words came out. I lied helplessly on the cold floor. I was afraid.

Again, the maiden smiled. And again, there was the voice, "Hush, love. Do not be frightened. I have taken you to my chamber or what you humans call 'cave'. There is nothing to fear. In fact, you owe me your life."

Oh, how sweet the maiden smiles! Thoughts of fear and anxiety suddenly escaped me. I did not know why and how but the cold floor seemed to have become warmer. Her smile was so comforting I forgot that I could neither speak nor move. I could stay frozen like this forever just watching her smile.

"Speak to me through your mind."

I smiled - not because I think that smiling is the mechanism of communicating for humans too but because of the maiden's sweet smile. I just could not help myself from watching her. I smiled at her again.

"You're not doing it!"

This time she was not smiling. She looked annoyed. Believe me, she looked more endearing when annoyed. I closed my eyes.

"What was that you desire to obtain from the deep? You even tried to battle with the sea serpent, how ridiculous! There is no way a human like you can claim a sea serpent's head," the maiden said.

"Your words are not as sweet as your smile, after all," I replied.

"Forgive me, human. But I do believe that it is impossible to defeat the sea serpent. What is it that made you descend so deep in the sea?"

"Five days ago, I descended to that very same spot but there was no sea serpent present. I saw something very much unlike from the things I have always seen. The pearl in that spot is the finest I have seen. Five days ago, I was so close to touching it. But I saw sharks nearby. Knowing that I had caused my left foot to bleed when I slipped on a rock, I fled the area. But I made a vow to return for the pearl."

"I see that you dive for pearls, an excellent swimmer too. You narrowly escaped being a snack for the sea serpent. However on your way back to the surface, you sank."

"I did? If I did, then how did I get to your chamber? I should be dead. Am I dead?"

"I told you, you owe me your life. I have witnessed many pearl divers fail to reach the surface. Their bodies drop on the seafloor and rot."

"Then I thank you for saving my body from rotting."

"Tell me, dear, what has become of the following days? If you are so persistent in obtaining the pearl, why then have you not returned earlier?"

"Believe me, I tried to return but fortune forbids. The next day, my mother got sick. I could not leave the house; I had to attend to her. She is the only family I have left. The following day, she still refused to allow me to leave the house. It was not until sunset that she said that she was feeling well and that I could leave. As soon as I got to the shore, I realized that the tides are low. I tried to drag my canoe on the sand but it was too heavy. It will be dark when the tides rise again."

"How complicated human lives are! I suppose that you failed to sail on the third day because of a raging storm?"

"Indeed. And on the fourth day, I discovered that my canoe has been destroyed, perhaps by the storm. I needed to repair it. I spent the entire day working on it. And on the fifth day, I had finally plunged into the deep sea where my pearl and the sea serpent await."

"Humans really are foolish," the maiden laughed, "Do you not understand what the gods desire? They have sent upon you a series of misfortunes, catastrophes, and mishaps. Is it still incomprehensible - what the gods mean?"

"The gods say that a couple of hard work make your reward even sweeter?"

"No, silly. I might take that answer if I had had only one or two misfortunes. But five? Five is too many misfortunes a mere human can handle. I must commend you for your strong will to continue living."

"Five is too many, I know. These misfortunes that the gods have cast upon me caused me grief and misery, but they are no reasons to wish for death. I would rather experience sorrow than depart this world for if a tunnel does not have light, I must light one. Dying takes from me the ability to create light."

"I admire your thoughts, human. But what you are doing - persisting in obtaining the pearl even if it costs your life, are you not taking your ability to create light from yourself? Are you not the one who causes your own death?"

I stopped for a moment and I realized what the maiden meant. I am killing myself.

She spoke again, "As I have said earlier, I know the cause of your torment. I know what your worries are. Human, it is not a crime to try to succeed the misfortunes that obstruct the path to your dream. But know that there are dreams that can not be. Sometimes, you just have to stop. If your dream seems to be more dangerous than challenging, give it up. It is not worth your precious life. It is unfair to spend your whole life chasing for that pearl when you can spend time with your mother, your only family. The gods have something better in store for you. If the pearl does not want you, leave it. It is unfair to spend time going after something that does not want you in the first place, is it not?"

"Truly, it is not," I replied. I opened my eyes and saw, once again, the maiden's hazel eyes gleaming. However, her sweet smile was no more. She looked serious this time.

"Indeed, that pearl is the finest you have seen but you have not yet searched the entire sea," she said. "Do not run after something that runs away from you, that had many times run away from you. Do not waste your precious time pleasing something that does not want to be pleased. Rest, human. And speak none of what has been before your eyes." The maiden smiled and with that, she plunged into the water.

Math 17

2009-07-26T10:17:00.006+08:00

I don't care if they think you're imaginary, as long as you help me ~~do my Math~~. Ironically, some, though real, can make you undefined.

Author's commentary
i referring to God. Real (i.e. tangible) referring to some humans.
Emo, lol.

First Five Weeks

2009-07-19T16:35:00.006+08:00

Tomorrow I'll be starting my sixth week in college. How did my first five went?

Week 1
It was nice reuniting with some friends from high school. ~~I was looking forward to seeing them~~ Somehow, I wasn't ready to see familiar faces - faces who know me, faces who know what I do, what I'm like, what I've been through. It's not that I want to change and become something far from what I was. It's not that I want to hide my identity. It's just...too sudden. Everything seems to happen so suddenly.

Soft music playing from Jann Arden's Insensitive...How do you block the sound of a voice you've known anywhere? I met someone from high school. Somehow, I didn't feel like I'm ready to go to school yet. I want to linger a little bit more at home, sheltered and protected. I didn't feel like I was ready to meet new people and smile just so I won't be called a snob. But there was no turning back, the bell was ringing. It was time to go to school.

We crashed Miguel, Norlan, and Rabbi's house at Katipunan. Actually, we begged them to feed us. We had a small reunion; it was fun while it lasted.

The first week gave me a taste of what my life would be like this semester. I would get soaked in the rain. My feet would ache. And I would not have someone cook dinner for me.

Week 2
For some reasons, I was realllly broke this week. Thankfully, I have a sister who helped me get through the week alive.

It was Effie's place we crashed this time. And I owe her for feeding me chips and cookies. Actually, she was inviting us to her place. We made her swear that she would feed us if we visit her.

Week 3
My sister left for Bicol which means that I would be alone for the whole week. It was a bit sad having no one to talk to so I convinced my other sister to stay with me for the week. That's the joy of having a lot of sisters, lol. Really, it's sad being alone. If ever I move to QC next semester, I will make sure that I have a housemate. It's okay if she doesn't talk to me. Just her presence is very much appreciated. I'm not that demanding.

I got sick. I was looking for a nearby PC shop to have my project printed. Unfortunately, I failed to find one. Even more unfortunately, it rained. Hard. And, there were winds. Strong winds. For a moment I thought it was a typhoon. And most unfortunately, I got lost. I got lost in the streets of Makati. I kept walking and walking until I found what looked like something that might offer printing services.

Me: *soaking wet* Miss, nagpprint kayo?
Miss: *looks at the soaked and wasted girl then turns around*
Me: *thinks "What's that supposed to mean?" then walks away*

If she had seen me soaking in a swimsuit she'd probably be a lesbian right now.

I got soaked and I got lost. I thought that finding the way back home was probably the best thing to do next. After a lot more walking, I finally found home. I had never felt more delighted before. Just as I took a hot shower, the rain stopped. Music playing from Alanis Morisette's Ironic...Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

Week 4
I was missing home. No, I was missing the food at home. I was missing my room at home. I was missing the comfort of home. So whenever I go home, I make sure that I abuse the people there. I make my mom prepare breakfast (yes, I eat breakfast now) - toasted bread with butter and fried eggs and/or jam, I make my dad listen ONLY to my stories - no tv for him until I'm finished, and my younger sister...I have a long list for her, lol.

Riding a bus home feels weird. It's nice to take a break from the busy city of Makati for a while. It was nice to finally see the familiar structures in Muntinlupa. It feels good to be back home. At the same time, it feels weird. Seeing home along with its familiar structures brings back a lot of stories from way back ~~Cenozoic Era~~. A big part of me was being relived. It was like...everywhere I look, a story unfolds. Do I want to unfold these stories? Well, some stories are worth unfolding. I met with some friends from high school this weekend. We were so excited and happy seeing each other we created ~~an uproar~~ a tiny disturbance at a store. It was nice catching up with each other, filling what was missed.

Week 5
For a reason I do not know, seeing the familiar stores of Trinoma felt great. It was like I'm home again [coming back from Muntinlupa]. Contrasting to Week 4 but that was how I felt. It's slowly becoming a part of me, Trinoma. I meant QC. Diliman, Quezon City. I think it's good that I'm finally calling QC home. It means I'm adjusting, right?

That's pretty much how my first five weeks went. I hope you're not wondering where 'I have new friends', 'I like the Freshman Party', or the like are. What you felt, I felt it too.

Seven Stories

2009-06-09T11:32:00.007+08:00

The very first piece you must learn if you want to join the rondalla is the "Lupang Hinirang" - but before that, the musical scale. I was fortunate enough for having someone teach me everything I needed to know. I have enjoyed a lot of trips and experiences with our group and it is all thanks to her, my teacher.

I found a to-do list similar to mine, where dancing is at the bottom. The owner of the list would also complain of the "difficult" steps the bosses would want you to do. In the end, we would have to obey the bosses though. If you want to bring honor to your class section, you should at least learn how to dance.

In the midst of the speech of a "prominent figure from Iraq", I met someone. That person does not have something better to do too so she agreed to take a few shots with me.

One night at a ball, I sat silently between two empty seats. A sorceress took the seat and said, "I don't mind having the frog I cursed around," pointing to the one seated by the far table. I replied, "It seems like the frog has already made himself comfortable over there. I would be glad if your friend, the wizard, will take the last seat instead." The conversation led to the two meeting new friends like elves and rangers and humans and goblins.

The witch wanted to kill the queen but killed the king instead - their beloved. To avenge for the king's death, the queen's daughter was landed upon the curse of the furious witch. No one could have guessed that the rivals - Hella and Amethyst - could be good friends at the backstage.

The three goddesses were so powerful that they can make the sun shine its brightest just by walking around the courtyard.

Once there were seven tyrants in maroon robes who would roam around their land. They would mock the slaves, lavish upon the peasants' hard-earned gold, torment the villagers, or simply cackle and gossip while watching the laborers work. However even with all these ruthlessness and harshness, they can still love someone apart themselves. The tyrant with the mirror would not brag to the tyrant who pets a snake. Meanwhile, the tyrant who pets a snake would not wish that the other tyrant be deprived of something she wants for herself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EUNICE!

My Last Days at Home

2009-06-04T15:32:00.004+08:00

I will be moving to my sisters' place on Sunday. Actually, my clothes were already taken there weeks ago. That's why I'm short on clothes today. Haha.

I'm moving real soon so I decided to make the most out of the ~~luxuries~~ things I have here. I stay up late to watch tv. I go online all day - hey, I always do this. I sleep until noon. I don't do chores. I did the dishes last night, though. Wait, I haven't abused the piano yet. I'm also spending with half of my family - the other half, I will be living with. I eat lunch with my mom. Eating means chatting with her too. I watch the news with my dad. That includes guessing which tv commercial is which where we always cheat. It's not a fair game, I tell you. After that, my mom watches her usual soapoperas. And just for the fun of it, my dad and I watch with her too.

Our first stop is GMA 7's Zorro. I love to annoy my mom by asking her a lot of questions like, "Who is this guy?", "Why does he want to kill that guy?", "He's an indio?", "Who are his parents?", and she would yell at me and tell me that it's the twist - I have to watch. When the show is over, I can't remember anything about it. Hahaha.

I send my dad to bed around 9pm because...he usually sleeps around 9pm so he would not get late for work. I don't stop nagging him until he goes to bed. He doesn't go until it's exactly 9:00, though.

My mom watches Totoy Bato next. I don't watch this - I don't have the heart for it. Seriously, why does she watch this show?

As I was working on something for school one March night, I overheard a girl crying(?), shouting(?) - I can't remember. Then I asked, "Sino 'yan, si Kim Chiu?" And that was when my mom discovered how I loathed the girl.

Now, I watch this drama with her. Of course I also started with, "Who's she?", "Oh...they're twins?", "Gosh, why are they fighting over her?", "Why was he sold?", "He's a criminal?" and after a lot more questions I finally got to the conclusion - "Tayong Dalawa" means JR and Dave, the twins from the series. Hahaha.

When my mom isn't tired enough, we stay up until SNN. I skip Kris Aquino's Bingo thingy though. Her constant squealing annoys me.

However when my mom is too tired, she leaves me with the tv and I get to watch whatever I want. My dad sleeps early so we can not use the tv in their bedroom. Anyway, here starts my staying up late.

The Lord of the Rings: Tactics

2009-06-04T12:48:00.013+08:00

Me: Laruin mo din 'yung FF7: Crisis Core, dali! Para ma-in love ka din kay Zack.
Miguel: *disgusted* Pa'no ba 'yun? Parang may turns?
Me: Eew. Wala. 'Pag combat mode, laban lang.
Miguel: Aw. Ayoko nun.
Me: Bakit? Ang boring kaya 'pag may turns. Maghihintay ka pa. Tapos ang dami pa nung characters.
Miguel: Strategy 'yun no.
Me: Speed 'yun, 'pag walang turns. 'Pag mabilis ka mag-isip, mabilis ka sa controls, mabilis ka tumakbo, etc.
Miguel: Nagugulat ako sa ganun eh.
Me: Wahahahahaha. Dapat maglaro ka ng Silent Hill: Origins. Para mas magulat ka. Wahahahaha.

-conversation from late junior year

See, I don't enjoy games with turns. Okay...except Civilization 3. But it really annoys me when all nations become more progressive. Each city of each nation is busy doing something. All units (workers, combatants, planes, etc.) move. I can finish a medium-sized cupcake while waiting for that one, single turn to finish, seriously. I am impatient. BUT, I tried playing The Lord of the Rings: Tactics. That is how much I love Legolas.

I finished the game some time last week. I started playing one midnight and ended around 4am. Why? Because when the PSP batteries get drained and the PSP goes off, you can't resume your game! What's more, I have not saved any of my progress! So, I decided to get some sleep.

When I finally woke, it's time for the battle between the Fellowship and Mordor! I started all over because I can't let go of this game that easy. Aragorn is just so strong. And Legolas is just so hot. But really, they are both strong and hot.

I was spoiling my two heroes, Aragorn and Legolas. Not only because they were my favorite but also because they were the heroes often used in the game. It's the game that chooses the heroes to use - not me. That is why I have to invest in all of them: Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Frodo, and Sam.

Some things I'll always remember on my way to Mt. Doom:

Eomer can not perform ranged attacks. And I don't find him that strong either!

The moment Legolas releases the arrow and Aragorn thrusts Anduril (his sword), it's a sure kill. I <3 their tandem!

Gandalf is a wizard! Equip him with spells!

I always put Legolas in a high place. I don't make him move because he can fire arrows to anywhere. He looked so lazy. Hahaha.

I fell in love with Theoden. He's old but he's really strong.

Saruman is...EVIL.

Ents are better at melee attacks but it's hard to keep them alive.

Legolas is an elf. He's better with bows and arrows. Aragorn is a ranger. He's better with swords. Use them where they're good at; you'll taste the sweet fruit.

***

The last stage is the Battle of the Morannon or the Battle of the Black Gate.

Mission Objectives: Aragorn must survive. Frodo must get to Mt. Doom (which means Frodo must survive too).

This was the final major battle against Sauron in the War of the Ring, fought at the Black Gate of Mordor. The Army of the West, led by Aragorn, marched on the gate as a diversionary feint to distract Sauron's attention from Frodo and Sam, who were carrying the One Ring through Mordor.

-wikipedia.org

So...my heroes were Aragorn and Gandalf accompanied by two Gondor soldiers and faced with a lot of creatures from Mordor. On the other side stood my two other heroes, Frodo and Sam. More enemies were here. Plus Sauron and the Mouth of Sauron!

As the stage progressed, more and more Mordor reinforcements arrive. Meanwhile, no Fellowship reinforcements arrive because no Fellowship reinforcements shall arrive. Why have I no reinforcements?! And Sauron keeps on stunning my characters! I had to do this level a lot of times until I finally gave up. I did some optional quests to earn gold and buy my heroes skills. I bought Aragorn Army of the Dead, Call of Eagles for Gandalf, Ent Summon for Sam, and Light of Galadriel for Frodo. All skills are summoning skills.

Back in Morannon...

Aragorn tries hard to get to Frodo and Sam immediately and slays enemies ahead. Gandalf and the two Gondor soldiers slay all enemies blocking Aragorn and their paths.

Meanwhile, Sam protects Frodo by having Frodo stay behind him. As the hobbits try to defend themselves, Mordor reinforcements arrive.

After some turns, Aragorn's campaign has slain three enemies. Frodo and Sam defeat one. Sauron and Mouth of Sauron approach the hobbits. Enemies come nearer to the hobbits - this means melee combat for everyone. More Mordor reinforcements arrive. It's time to use new skills! Ents came and damaged all enemies. A flash of blinding light killed some. And eagles soared and did more damage.

Finally, all enemies ahead of Aragorn were slain. However, my two Gondor soldiers have fallen. With Frodo behind him, Sam came face to face with Sauron. Aragorn and Gandalf were too far but close enough to perform ranged attacks.

What happened on my last turn?

Sam was stunned so he remained frozen between Sauron and Frodo.
Frodo misses Sauron. (Gosh, nag-miss pa siya!)
Gandalf restores Aragorn's health.
And Aragorn fires an arrow to Sauron.

Then, VICTORY!

A cutscene comes showing the battle of the Fellowship and Mordor outside the Morannon. So that's where my other heroes are - outside the Morannon.

Mt. Doom erupted. And between their own fights, my heroes stopped. They looked up the erupting Mt. Doom and smiled. Legolas smiled! *dies*

One whispered, "Frodo."

Everyone, of the Fellowship or of Mordor, knew what had happened. The ring was destroyed. And it was victory for the Fellowship.

And just like any other game I have finished, I stared at the credits and said, "Tapos na?"

You know what? It doesn't help investing in only one character. Wait, I know this beforehand. It doesn't help investing in only two or three characters. Every single unit is needed. Invest in them. Use them. The same goes with real life.

It's surprising how much can happen in one turn. If Gimli moves here, he might get caught between Lurtz and a Ringwraith. But if you move a ranger there, he could take care of the Ringwraith and leave Gimli with Lurtz. On that single turn depends your defeat or your victory. Decide wisely.

Be prepared. Bring sachels of fresh athelas and sachels of lembas bread cakes to restore your lost HP and AP.

It's okay to ask for help once in a while. Summon an eagle, or Ents, or the Light of Galadriel.

And finally, teamwork? I really loved how I spent my last turn. Sam was so loyal to Frodo. He protected him from ALL enemy attacks. He was courageous too! He was ready to do hand to hand combat with Sauron, until he was stunned. Frodo tried to do damage to Sauron but failed - probably because Sam was in the way. Aragorn arrived just in time to find that Sauron was so close to the hobbits and he fires an arrow from afar. I will die if Aragorn misses Sauron's head. And Gandalf heals the wounded Aragorn - Aragorn slayed a LOT of enemies.

My characters are so sweet. ♥

Really, I am in love. If you only knew how I spoke and acted the night I finished the game. I am so in love I want to watch the movies again. And read the books!

Sore Feet

2009-06-04T11:05:00.010+08:00

I went to the university last Monday. And last Tuesday.

I attended the IB orientation last Monday which includes introducing you to your blockmates, knowing what to expect, and going to places where a freshman might usually go to. I was an hour late for the orientation because I had trouble finding where the place was. Palma Hall is big (or is it just me?).

On the way home, I was standing in the bus again. See, I was also standing on my way to Magallanes. Anyway, the ride home was so much better because, for some reasons, it did not make me sick.

Part 2 of the university trip begins here.

I decided to leave home late that morning because I was just supposed to pay for my tuition fee. And I believe that long queues at the cashier do not form that early. When I got there, "some person" told me that it was closed and that I should go to the office instead. And where is that? At the back of the Philippine National Bank (PNB). And again, where is that?

I got in a UP Toki with a group of college students.

Friend 1: Si [insert name here], ang aga aga, nanglalait ng freshman.
Friend 2: Hindi ah.
Friend 3: Bakit, ano ba sabi?
Friend 1: Sabi niya kanina, eto, freshman 'to.
Friend 2: Kasi halata naman eh. Tumitingin kung saan-saan.
Friend 1: O, tingnan mo.
Group of friends: *laughs*

Ate, freshman din ako. But I didn't say that. LOL.

And after having trouble finding PNB, I finally joined the long queue. Just then, the guard told us that tuition fees are to be paid at the OUR. What?! After having a difficult time of finding this, you're going to send me back there? So, the people who were supposed to be paying for tuition fees left for the OUR.

I was so tired and disappointed that I lost the will to pay. Hahaha.

"Ate Ange. Tawagan mo 'ko."

My sister was very prompt. My cellphone was ringing a minute after my message was sent. I narrated how my trip went.

Ate Ange: Asan ka ba?
Me: Nasa UP.
Ate Ange: Aah. Ako din eh. Sa CS.
Me: O?! Ba't 'di mo sinabi?! Really. I was scolding her here. Hahaha.
***
Ate Ange: 'Di pumunta ka sa OUR. Hindi mo alam kung pa'no pumunta 'dun?
Me: Alam ko! Kaso..*rant* *rant*
Ate Ange: Aah. Lunch time na eh. Kain muna tayo. Asan ka ba?
Me: PNB.
Ate Ange: Okay, pupunta na 'ko d'yan.

See what a great sister she is?

So we walked to the "Bahay ng Alumni" and ate a hearty meal at "The Chocolate Kiss" - that's where she always takes me to eat. Yay!

Again, we walked to the OUR and I joined the long queue for payments. At UP, the word "queue" always goes with "long". Hehehe. After finally receiving my hard-earned receipt, I was informed that I have to join an even longer queue for the miscellaneous fees - ID fee.

Poor sister. She looked really bored. It was good that she decided to go to the ComSci Department to save time. She was supposed to shift advisors - or something like that.

At last, I finally received my photo ID schedule. That was the last part of the enrollment. Now, how to get to the ComSci Department. My sister told me that it lies right in front of the NIGS, so I asked a jeepney driver if he could take me to NIGS.

Lakarin mo na lang mas malapit. *shows directions*

So...I walked. And there I was, at the NIGS. Surprisingly, I got there before my sister did. She left before I did and she even got herself a ride! The driver was right. Walking would save me time.

My sister went in to find her advisor which might take long. It was my turn to wait. Unfortunately, the person was not there. It was time for me to go home and for my sister to return to her office.

I managed to grab a seat in the bus this time. I deserve it after what I had from the MRT ride. Haha.

The story doesn't end here. Well, almost.

It was a relief when I finally got home (gosh, I never appreciated home like this before). I could take off my shoes now. Yay! I washed my feet with soap and water and rubbed them with foot lotion. I was really spoiling my feet. I even used my sister's soft, fuzzy slippers because my feet were sore. Yeah, they're really sore. And they're red.

Part 1: Untitled

2009-05-28T20:59:00.001+08:00

One day, the princess got so bored she decided to read the drafts in her email accounts. She went on for hours until she stumbled upon her Google documents. And memories rushed back to her mind.

Joyce: Sinong gagawa ng story? Alyzza, ikaw na lang.
Alyzza: Hah? Eh...tungkol saan?
Effie: ...
Joyce: *whisper* *whisper*
Effie: Sige!! Tapos...*whisper* *whisper*
Alyzza: Haha. Okay. Sino 'yung babae?
Joyce: I am in love with Sei Satou. Name her Sei Satou.
Alyzza: Okay. And I am in love with Mr. Darcy.
Joyce: Let's call him Darcy. Darcy Maxwell.

I can't remember what we said exactly but it went something like that.

You know when the city hall got on fire? Well that morning, Alyzza turned her computer and typed. After some hours, she printed the story and off she went to the mall. She met her classmates there because they were supposed to celebrate for winning [for the very first time] an interlevel school contest. She gave the copy of the story to Joyce and their class decided to have their picture taken which she still keeps in her wallet this very second.

I can't believe how very vivid this day still is for me. I can continue telling details of this but it isn't what this post is all about.

Going back...the next Monday...

Joyce: Tapos ko na 'yung book! (With all the drawings and nice pages with a feminine touch. Feminine, yes, that's Joyce.) Ano'ng title?
Alyzza: Sei Satou and Darcy Maxwell! Hahaha. *suggests more lame titles*
Effie: *suggests hilarious titles*
Joyce: Hahaha. Ano na nga?
Alyzza: Untitled. Wala tayo maisip eh.
Joyce: Untitled na lang?
Effie: Ayos lang.
Alyzza: 'Pag wala kang naisip, Untitled na lang.

Joyce couldn't think of a better title so thus, the name of our English project: Untitled.

P.S.
Posting the story here will make this extremely long. Scroll for "Untitled".

Part 2: Untitled

2009-05-28T20:39:00.006+08:00

Darcy

"I don't want to go to that place. I don't know their culture. I don't know their language. Please send me to any place but there." Darcy Maxwell, a skilled British photographer, complained.

"But you did say that you want to see the world," his boss reasoned. "Darcy, I know that you will never say 'no' to the beautiful views and wonderful festivals of Japan. Besides, I will give you a good lump of sum for this project. And I promise that you will stay in an English-speaking inn with very hospitable people."

Darcy went back to his home. He considered his boss's offer. If I go to Japan, I'd stay there for probably 8 months. It's a very long time and I would certainly miss my life back here. Going there may be worth the experience. He did promise me a fine inn and a good lump of money.

Sei Satou

"Why do we have to scrub the floors thrice? And the windows twice? Who is this Darcy Maxwell, anyway? Is he the emperor?" Sei Satou complained.

"Mr. Darcy Maxwell is a very great photographer, whatever that is. He would come from Britain tomorrow. We must make sure that this man would stay longer. He must be impressed with our inn and find our people approachable, nice and hospitable." her mother explained. "I know that you despised men ever since your father left us. You were very young then and--"

"Mom, please stop retelling me his tale. Who would love a story about a five year-old girl whose father left to marry a despicable woman just because he got her pregnant?!"

"Do not speak of your father in that way, Sei Satou. He will always be your father. Now, change the sheets in the 19th room." her mom scolded.

Sei Satou climbed the stairs and listened to the creaking her each step made. Mom would never admit that father didn't love us. Men don't know love. Oh, and I hate this Darcy. He would probably just boast about their fine culture and enjoy Mom's extra care.

Darcy

The long trip made him so exhausted. He arrived at the inn, received his key and went directly to his room. Darcy never bothered to speak to any of the workers nor to the innkeeper. He lied on his soft bed and drifted off to sleep.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Darcy was awakened by this. He turned the knob to see the face of a boyish Japanese girl.

"Who are you?" Darcy asked, annoyed.

"Mom wants to see you downstairs. She's inviting you for dinner." the girl replied, never bothering to answer Darcy's question. With that, the girl left.

Darcy, surprised by the warm welcome of the innkeeper and the girl's cold invitation, changed then went downstairs.

He saw the girl and approached her. He sat on the cushion beside her but before he opened his mouth to speak, the girl snapped, "That's mom's seat."

Darcy stood and took the cushion across the girl. He didn't bother to speak for he didn't know what to say. Afraid that he might get shouted at by the girl again, he looked around the room and observed the furniture. Everything was made of wood. Then a thin, middle-aged woman came followed by a man carrying food.

"Hi! I'm Sachiko Satou, the innkeeper and this is my daughter, Sei Satou," the woman said.

So that's the innkeeper's daughter, Sei Satou. Why does she act that way, anyway? Darcy asked himself.

Before Darcy could speak, there was a bowl of rice in front of him with lots of sauce. Then he remembered that he couldn't use the chopsticks very well. He took the bowl and the chopsticks. There's no turning back.

"Please put your food back, sir," Sachiko Satou said then turned to her daughter.

Sei Satou, knowing what her mother meant, said, "itadakimasu".

Darcy, afraid he might make a mistake again, observed the two ladies. Seeing that the two had taken their food already, he took his. He had a hard time using the chopsticks. He could only put a few grains of rice in his mouth. He didn't even know what the food tastes like. Seeing that the ladies had put back their bowls back on the table, he put back his too. He stopped eating though he was still starving. He doesn't want others to watch while he eats. He sipped his tea then put it back, smiling.

"Gochisosama," Sachiko Satou whispered.

Sei Satou

Sei Satou knocked on Room #19.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

Sei Satou was startled at his question. How rude of him. Instead of answering his question, she told him her purpose and hurriedly left. She sat on the cushion and looked outside. Suddenly, the man came. How dare he sit beside me! I had to tell him that it was my mom's seat.

Sei Satou was surprised by the man's silence. He didn't talk throughout the dinner, which she found good. The dinner went smoothly for her until she saw that Darcy did not empty his bowl. It's a good manner for Japanese people to empty their dishes up to the last grain of rice. Darcy haven't even eaten half of his food.

Darcy

He never wanted the dinner happen again. He never wanted to be embarrassed again.

I must not stay in the inn. I would leave early each morning and arrive late at night everyday. It's the only plan he thought to stay away from them and avoid turning down the innkeeper's invitations. I don't want to see the innkeeper become sad because of my refusal so I'd rather hide. Unfortunately, I don't know how to go where. He thought best not to stay too far from the inn. One day, Darcy woke a bit later.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Darcy grabbed his robe. His heart was beating so fast. Please, tell me it's not Sei Satou. He prayed. He opened the door and greeted, "Good Morning!"

"Mom wants to see you at dinner tonight," Sei Satou replied, ignoring the greeting.

"I--"

"Please don't tell me 'I can't'," Sei Satou interrupted. "Mom prepared dinner every night, hoping that you would come early. She would definitely enjoy having dinner with you. Seeing her customers enjoy her company is her only pleasure. Please come."

"If I come, would you promise to act a little warmer to me?" Darcy asked.

"Okay. I would do it for mom." Sei Satou agreed then turned her back.

"And one thing more," Darcy called back but Sei Satou stood still, her back on Darcy. "Help me with my work. I need to take pictures of Japan."

Sei Satou nodded silently and hurried downstairs.

Sei Satou

This man is blackmailing me. If only I don't love my mom so much, I wouldn't agree spending my precious time with him.

He never really stayed far from the inn. I always see him in the restaurants or walking in the streets.

"Mom, I convinced the man to see you for dinner," Sei Satou called to her mom. "Thank you, Sei Satou. Please act warmer to Mr. Maxwell. You probably scare him." her mother replied with a chuckle. "By the way, have you greeted him a 'Happy Valentine's Day'?" her mother added but Sei Satou was gone.

Darcy

Darcy was glad to know that Sei Satou would act warmer to him. On the other side, he was scared to use the chopsticks in front of her again tonight.

He entered a restaurant and ordered Ramen, a noodle soup with various toppings. He took the chopsticks and practiced using them. Soup spilled all over the table and his shirt. He dropped some of his vegetables too but he continued eating. After an hour or so, he emptied his bowl and admired his perseverance.

He entered another shop decorated with red hearts of different sizes.

"Good morning!" the saleslady greeted.

Darcy ignored the greeting and looked for a box of chocolates. After going through the shelves repeatedly, he finally found the perfect box of chocolates. He paid for it then went back to the restaurant he once were in to have lunch. He ordered Ramen again and discovered his improvement. He dropped less vegetables and prevented the toppings to splash on the soup which spilled on his shirt earlier.

He also noted that he emptied his bowl 25 minutes earlier. He was back in the inn early.

"Mr. Maxwell!" Sachiko Satou called.

Darcy approached her and saw Sei Satou seated beside her. He took again the cushion across Sei Satou's.

"Thank you for the invitation," Darcy said.

"It is my job to keep my customers happy," Sachiko Satou replied, smiling. She turned to Sei Satou who instantly said "itadakimasu".

They took their bowls and started to eat. It was the same food, rice with sauce. This time, he enjoyed the food and remembered its taste. He finished just after the ladies put their bowls back down.

"Gochisosama," Sachiko Satou whispered.

"Did you enjoy the meal, Mr. Maxwell?" Sachiko Satou asked.

"Very much," Darcy replied happily.

Darcy and the innkeeper exchanged stories. Darcy talked about his adventures in France, Germany, and Finland while Sachiko Satou talked about her experiences with her customers. They both gasped and laughed until late at night. Sei Satou listened silently and yawned throughout the conversation.

When the three of them stood, the innkeeper collected the bowls and left.

Darcy turned to Sei Satou and said, "I expect you to tour me around the city tomorrow." He handed the box of chocolates, smiled then greeted, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

Sei Satou's jaw dropped. And she ran to the kitchen.

Sei Satou

Sei Satou was surprised of Darcy's early arrival. She didn't really expect him to come but she was glad he did. Her mother was glad too. She was surprised to see Darcy empty his bowl. It made her think that Darcy was nice. Until he talked about his adventures.

I knew that Darcy would just boast of his experiences. Men are all the same. And he gave me chocolates! He insulted me! A girl with short hair doesn't mean that she's a man. Men are given chocolates on the 14th of February. Women are given during the White Day! I hate him!

"Sei Satou, forgive him. He doesn't know a thing about our culture. He's from Europe, you can't expect him to know everything about Japan. He probably had a hard time finding the perfect box of chocolates for you. I don't want to lose him. He's such a great man. Sei Satou, please be friends with the poor man. You don't know anything about men. Don't you know he's trying to befriend you?" Sachiko Satou explained.

"I know everything perfectly well about them," Sei Satou snapped.

Darcy

Darcy couldn't understand Sei Satou's reaction last night. He left the inn early like he used to do. He didn't expect Sei Satou to tour him around the city after what happened last night.

Thinking that he's stuck in a place where people speak differently and where people don't act normal, he felt lost. He wanted to return to Britain, the place he calls home. The place he knows very well. He entered a shop and browsed through the books. He found "So You Wouldn't Be Lost While You're Here" and flipped through its pages. It's a guide on how to survive the Japanese people. This is what I need. He thought. He paid for the book and went to his favorite restaurant.

Darcy, excited on the festivals Japan celebrates, turned the page about Japanese festivities. He looked for the month of February and read:

February 14: On this day, women traditionally give chocolates to their special men, as well as to their male coworkers.

He reread the statement and realized his mistake. Next he read:

March 13: Peach Festival. Girls display a set of dolls dressed in costumes of courtiers of the Heian period. Many families pass these dolls from generation to generation. Other customs include displaying peach blossoms; eating red, white and green diamond-shaped mochi; and drinking shirozake, a white beverage. According to an old wives' tale, a girl who leaves her dolls on display after this holiday will be late to marry.

March 14: White Day. On this Japanese twist on Valentine's Day, a man buys his special woman a treat.

Darcy smiled. So March 14 is the right day to give women chocolates. But she should have understood my mistake. She knows that I'm foreign.

Sei Satou

Sei Satou noticed Darcy's habitual absence. She felt sorry for him. It wasn't probably his fault. Mom's right. Maybe I should give him a chance.

Sei Satou woke very early the next day. She helped her mom cook mochi, a Japanese rice cake. They cook rice cakes every 13th of March to celebrate the Peach Festival.

"Mr. Maxwell!" Sei Satou called when she spotted Darcy approach the inn's exit. "Please, don't leave today. Today we celebrate the Peach Festival and um..Mom wants you to celebrate it with us."

Sachiko Satou chuckled then continued molding the paste into diamond-shaped mochi.

Darcy stopped, smiled then went back to his room.

Sei Satou couldn't speak. What's with him? He didn't say a word. I'm sure I was polite. Sei Satou thought then continued helping her mom.

Darcy

Darcy woke up early, as usual, but had different plans. He planned to take pictures of how Japanese people prepare for the Peach Festival but Sei Satou forbade him to leave.

What's with her? She acts so unusual. Her mother might have scolded her. Darcy wondered.

He loaded his camera with film and wiped its lens with a clean white cloth. He left his room and for the first time in his stay in Japan, he touched his camera and will finally use it.

He entered the kitchen and saw Sachiko and Sei Satou molding white paste. He took some pictures of them. He could see that Sei Satou was a bit annoyed but she tried hard to hide it.

Sei Satou

What's with the camera, anyway? I hate that thing. Can't he just lock his self in his room until we're done? Sei Satou carried a box and brought out her dolls. She arranged them on a five-tiered stand covered with a red carpet. There were 2 dolls on the top, 3 dolls on the second step, 5 dolls on the third, 2 dolls on the fourth and 3 on the last step.

"Do you mind telling me the purpose of the dolls?" came a voice.

Sei Satou looked up and saw Darcy. "Well, at the top are the emperor and empress. The next step contains three court ladies, followed by five musicians, two ministers, and three servants at the bottom. It's a tradition."

Sachiko Satou came and handed each of them a cup of shirozake. Sei Satou sipped then continued arranging her dolls. There were clicks again from the camera but Sei Satou ignored it this time.

"It's shirozake. Come taste our mochi. It's a cake made of glutinous rice." Sei Satou said.

His joke wasn't funny. I may look like a boy but it doesn't mean that I'd never get married.

Darcy

Darcy went downstairs and was surprised to see boyish Sei Satou play with dolls. Darcy found Sei Satou friendlier today. I was about to ask her if she could take me see the city. The innkeeper came and handed us a cup of what seemed like a white drink. Sei Satou said that it's called shirozake. It tastes like wine. The mochi was fine too. I'm glad I won't use chopsticks again.

The festival was fine before it lasted.

"You know, you should keep your dolls before tonight ends. You might get married at a very old age." Darcy joked.

Sei Satou left and went to the kitchen.

Sei Satou

Sei Satou left the inn and returned just before Darcy left.

"Mr. Maxwell," Sei Satou called and handed a box of chocolates. "Men are supposed to give chocolates today but I decided to give you instead."

Darcy thanked her and asked her to wait for her. Darcy was back after a few minutes and handed her the box of chocolates he bought a month ago.

"You did say that men are supposed to give chocolates today. So, will you take me around the city?" Darcy asked.

Sei Satou took Darcy to the Matsumoto Castle.

"This is one of the National Treasures of Japan. My favorite part is the Donjon Tower." Sei Satou said. She took him up the tower then said, "This is the topmost floor, the sixth floor. Here, we have a shrine to the god of 26 nights." Rain began to pour. "I would usually come here when I feel sad. And sometimes, when I feel extremely sad, I would shower in the rain. Then I would forget all my problems and feel so carefree. Would you like to try it?" Sei Satou asked.

Before Darcy could say 'yes', they were already laughing and dancing in the rain. The rain stopped when dark came.

"I always loved the moon. You would certainly love to see it." Sei Satou pulled his arm then went to the Yagura. "Open the mairado," she ordered pointing to the three sliding doors.

"Thank you for taking me here," Darcy whispered.

But Sei Satou didn't seem to hear him. "This room is especially designed to view the moon and is called the 'moon room'. See the moon?" she asked pointing to the sky.

Darcy

Darcy prayed for the night not to end. He wanted to play with boyish Sei Satou in the rain again. He loved the moon, it shone with brilliance, sitting on its throne. He took the film out of his camera and kept it. He reloaded it before going to bed.

It was a fine April morning. Sei Satou found Darcy nice, or so he thought.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Darcy opened the door and saw the usual face of Sei Satou.

"Mom wants to take you to our picnic. We always celebrate Hanami today. It means cherry blossom viewing. You will definitely love the cherry blossoms because I love them. Please come." Sei Satou begged.

"I would be glad to go with you. Let me get my camera first." with that Sei Satou disappeared down the stairs.

Sei Satou

Sei Satou lied on the picnic blanket while Sachiko prepared their food. Darcy kept taking pictures.

"I always loved cherry blossoms. When I was a kid, I once tried to make a dress made of cherry blossoms." Sei Satou told Darcy.

"I have always been excited to see cherry blossoms. I wish I lived in Japan." Darcy replied watching the kids play.

Sachiko served the riceballs wrapped in nori, thin dried seaweed sheets.

"Mr. Maxwell, why don't you try to say 'itadakimasu'?" Sachiko Satou asked him.

"Itadakimasu," Darcy whispered, confused.

"It means 'I gratefully receive'. We say it before we eat. Then we say 'gochichosama' which means 'Thank you for the meal' after eating." Sei Satou explained.

They ate the riceballs while they talked and laughed.

"You use your chopsticks better now," Sei Satou complimented.

"I have been here since February. I should know by now how to use it." Darcy replied with a smile. They laughed and exchanged stories, this time including Sei Satou, until it's time for them to go home.

Darcy

Darcy bumped to Sei Satou this morning. She gave him a pink strip of paper then left.

He looked for Sachiko Satou in the kitchen and asked, "What do I do with this strip of paper?"

"That is where you will write you wishes and romantic aspirations. We tie it to a bamboo tonight and who knows, it might come true." the innkeeper chuckled then continued with her work.

Darcy returned to his room and took out his pen. He lied on his bed for an hour but couldn't think of anything to write.

"Darcy! Give me your strip of paper now. It's time for us to tie it to the bamboo." Sei Satou called from outside.

They went out of the inn and tied their strips of paper to the bamboo. "Today is the Star Festival. We celebrate it on the 7th month of the year, on its 7th day. On this day two stars, Altair and Vega, that are usually separated from each other by the Milky Way, come together." Sei Satou explained. "There's a lot you need to learn from our culture. It's fun learning it, anyway."

Sachiko Satou motioned for them to go inside. The innkeeper prepared rice and tempura tonight which Darcy found easier to eat. Sei Satou and Darcy returned outside after eating.

So what did you wish for?" Sei Satou asked Darcy.

"That I had already found the girl I was searching for," Darcy replied. "And what did you wish for?"

"That the man I was looking for would never leave," Sei Satou answered.

Sei Satou

Sei Satou sat and began to write.

"What's that for?" Darcy asked. "The next Star Festival would come next year, you know."

"It's another wish, a wish for the people who departed. The Bon Festival ends tonight. We will float lighted candles in small paper lanterns tonight. Do you have something to wish for the people you know who died?" Sei Satou asked.

But Darcy was gone.

Darcy

Darcy was glad to know that there's another celebration. He fetched his camera and returned downstairs.

"Hurry!" Sei Satou called. "Mom had already left."

"Where do you float your paper lanterns?" Darcy asked.

"In the river," Sei Satou replied quickly.

"Today is August 15. When is the next celebration?" Darcy asked again.

"On the 9th of September, we celebrate the Chrysanthemum Festival," Sei Satou answered.

"I'd leave on the 11th of September," Darcy informed sadly.

"Leave? Why are you going to leave?" she asked, surprised.

"I was here because I have work to do. My job would be done soon, I can't stay any longer."

"I guess there's no sense in writing wishes during the Star Festival," she said sadly.

"Huh?" Darcy asked, confused.

But Sei Satou had ran to the river to release her paper lantern.

Sei Satou

Sei Satou was glad to know that Darcy would help her make a robe made of fresh chrysanthemum flowers for a life-size doll.

"It's a part of the Chrysanthemum Doll Fete," Sei Satou said. "This festival is the least celebrated of the five seasonal celebrations."

There were clicks from the camera again. Sei Satou, after 7 months, got used to the usual clicking of the camera.

Sei Satou decided to tidy up Darcy's room the next day. He would leave soon so he decided to take one last visit to the Matsumoto Castle.

She found the box of chocolates she had given Darcy during White Day. She removed the lid and saw photos, photos of women she had never seen before. They were undoubtedly Europeans. Each of them was dressed in different gowns; red, purple, black, gold. Sei Satou's hopes crashed. I thought that he liked me. I was waiting for him to tell me he loves me but he never did. He might tell me later but I'm glad I knew of his women collection earlier. I didn't know I was falling for him. And it breaks my heart to know that he has a women collection. I'm glad he never told me about his feelings. I could have fainted and given my everything to him. Tears streamed from her eyes. She left the room and waited for the rain to pour. Unfortunately, it did not.

Darcy

Darcy climbed the Donjon Tower. He would certainly miss this place, the first place he had gone to with Sei Satou, the woman he loved. He thought of the moments he had with Sei Satou. He planned to print Sei Satou's photos when he arrives in Britain. He couldn't wait to show his photos in an exhibit.

On the 11th of September, Darcy looked for Sei Satou. She was nowhere to be found. Darcy left with sadness, unable to bid his beloved goodbye.

Back in Britain, Darcy became very depressed. To get rid of his depression, he showered in the rain a lot of times. He got very ill because of this. Darcy soon discovered that he was suffering from pneumonia. Knowing that he would die soon, he asked his boss to wrap Sei Satou's pictures in a paper patterned with pink cherry blossoms, which he knew was Sei Satou's favorite. He asked his boss to send it to Japan.

Sei Satou

Sei Satou received a strange package one morning. It had a familiar scent but she did not know whom it belonged to. She ripped the package open and found pictures, her pictures. There were pictures when she had falling cherry blossoms behind her, when she was arranging the dolls during the Peach Festival, when she was floating paper lanterns, when she was burning the bamboo during the Japanese Star Festival, when she was in the Donjon Tower at the Matsumoto Castle and a lot more. A letter dropped from the package, it read:

Sei Satou,

Thank you for showing me around Japan. And for teaching me your culture. I was completely and incandescently happy being with you and I must say I love you. But I fear we might not see each other anymore. Where were you when I left, anyway? Anyway, don't forget to pray for me on the 15th of August. Please use a blue paper lantern. Thank you.

With love,
Darcy Maxwell

**end

P.S.
If there are any illogical references, don't comment harshly. I'm an amateur. Hehe.

New Layout

2009-05-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

After what seemed like 9 hours, I have finally finished my blog layout.

When I temporarily changed my layout into a plain white one, I remember someone telling me to go change my layout because it was too simple and white was too bright, wth? I was too busy slacking so I didn't mind his comment.

I realized that ~~summer~~ vacation is about to end. From the news, I heard that summer has really ended so...there. Vacation. And sleeping and slacking. And surfing 24/7. Sigh.

Anyway, I didn't want to be stuck in a plain white layout for a whole year so I decided to change mine now. Actually, I wanted to make up for my extreme laziness because I spent the whole day sleeping. So there...my 9 hours. I'm not very good in these stuff: codes, tags, and the like.

I copied the theme from my Multiply, Stories&Photographs. So...Blogger=Stories and Multiply=Photographs. I just remembered that one of my summer projects is stuffing more photos in Multiply. There goes a pending job for next summer.