Stories&Photographs

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Results

Last Saturday was the competition between, I guess, 12 schools from 3 different regions: NCR and 2 other regions I can't remember.

I came at school late. We were supposed to be there at exactly 5am but I was half an hour late. Our teacher sort of yelled at me and told me to get dressed. Then I was in quandary. I can't tie my hair. I can't apply makeup. I was sort of panicking because I don't know what to do. This was one of the few times I wished I were a boy. I decided to get my instrument instead so I won't just stand and watch them get dressed. And there I found my heroines. There was a mom whom I begged to tie my hair and apply makeup. Then another mom, Nikki's mom, volunteered to tie my hair in a better manner. If it weren't for these moms, I wouldn't be able to leave the school.

Then they boarded the bus. I said 'they' because I didn't care to join them. The double bass occupies too much space. Elainne pulled me to their car and the next think I remember, we had entered the University of the Philippines. After the introduction in the University Theater, we went back to our rooms to wait for their call. We were the sixth to perform, followed by our roommate, C. Arellano High School.

I wasn't really that nervous when we were in the backstage or when we were on the stage. Honestly, I felt more nervous during our Science Jingle Competition than this. I can't describe what really happened when we began to play. This is what happened on my point of view: All I could see was Ms. Shellah, our conductress, and behind her, a large mass of shadows. The heat from the light began to prick my back but I didn't care. My arm ached but I still didn't care. Let me tell you how Ms. Shellah looked like that time. She didn't look scared at all. She was smiling. She was very happy. On our second piece, Maynila Obertura, she looked like she was going to cry. In films, when characters begin to look like this, reality stops. Anything can happen. She looked like she could stop waving her arms and hug us any moment. But she couldn't obviously do that because we're not in a film. But believe me, she looked extremely and completely pleased.

Last Monday, I learned why she looked like that. She couldn't believe that we could make a good performance like that. She was surprised to see that we followed the dynamics correctly. One of the problems we encountered during our rehearsals was the dynamics. But we had followed it correctly during the performance.

Last Monday, I was also ready to hear that we lost. I don't even have to know that because I already knew that during the actual performance, when we haven't even performed yet. What I wasn't ready to hear was we were in my 'most-hated rank'. I hate the 'Most Aspiring' rank. My former school used to give that award to students who failed to be in the top ten, the people who worked hard but just couldn't be in it. We were in the fifth place. And they picked only the top four schools. It was so hard for me to accept it at first, thinking, 'We were so close to performing in CCP'. Miguel tried to console us and said the usual consolation you hear from your friends, "Yaan mo na. Buti nga hindi tayo last e." Honestly, I prefer to be in the 7th, 8th...nth place than to be in the 'so close-to-winning-place'.

Anyway, since we no longer need to practice after classes, I need to say farewell to my instrument, to my metal plectrum, to the moon which illuminates my path at night when I go home, to seeing Miguel's (and Harvey's) fingers bleed caused by the strings--when I ask them to remove my instrument's strings, and to the usual staccato I hear when we're having a break. Sigh. I hope blogging about this would help me get over with it.

Oh, wait! Congratulations to the winners! Sorry I can't remember your school's names. All I remember was C. Arellano and the other school wearing pink shirts and black pants. To the school who wore pink shirts and black pants: Thanks for wishing us luck. And the thing one of you said 'Kita-kita sa finals', we'd be there though we can't compete with you. See you in CCP and good luck!

Friday, October 12, 2007

The 'Dream'

I had this weird dream last night. Of course it was only a dream so I ought to forget it when I wake up. But I didn't. I opened my eyes this morning and my dream was very vivid. The faces were clear, the surroundings, the conversations, and the storyline. I remember each detail; I can even tell it over and over again. Anyway, I was so relieved to know that it was just a dream.

Before I leave our house, I promised myself to give a different meaning to the dream I had. I realized that we should appreciate every thing around us. I realized that we should enjoy each second of our life, that we should not stress ourselves too much about little problems, that we should appreciate a person's presence--never say you'd hate a person forever just because of one little conflict you had--he might be useful in the future, I mean, you might need him, that we should spend time to have fun--to have a break from a busy and stressful life, and that we should learn to forgive, if we don't, this hatred will linger in our hearts and might hinder our happiness.

I also learned that suicide is never a good solution--wait, whoever said that? If you only know what it feels like to be dead, seeing the people mourn--as if I've been there. In my previous post, I forgot to mention that I even wished to be dead for the meantime--to escape the problems ahead. I wished that I'd be dead for some time then be revived, which is very impossible. So for the suicidal people out there, don't try to die. You will regret it very much when you're already a soul and all that you're capable of is to watch your family mourn. You don't know what it feels like to be standing and watching the people weep. You will only make your life more miserable, and others' lives miserable too. You will certainly pity the weeping people. And regret what you did. Because being dead is a point of no return.

But the very thing I learned from the dream I had, is to try to understand the people around you first before saying you hate them--for the rest of your life. And make them feel you love them before it's too late.